The last car Lane owned was a 2006 Jeep Wrangler. He loved that car. It was a convertible in the summer and a 4-wheel drive vehicle in the winter. It was bright yellow. I chose the color because it was easy to see him coming for me at the airport or at night.
After Lane died with much regret I sold that yellow Jeep. There aren't a lot of them on the road but it is funny that I seem to see a yellow Jeep at the oddest times. Walking around in Manhattan with my grandson or late at night on a deserted road. Sometimes I see a yellow Jeep when I am feeling down and need my spirits lifted. Believe it or not seeing that car makes me feel good. Can’t really explain it but it is like Lane's spirit is in that make of automobile. It makes me think that maybe, just maybe he is watching over me.
Every time I see a yellow Jeep Wrangler I check to be sure he isn't the one driving. To date, he never has been.
What types of objects do you think may have incorporated your husband's spirit?
Sue
Funny you should mention that. I passed my husband's Pathfinder on Sunday when on my way to pick up a friend. The MICHIGAN TECH sticker (a rare thing here in Minnesota) is still on the back window. I don't know the people who bought it from my mechanic (who handled the sale) but I do know it went to a family with young kids. Somehow, that makes me feel better. I hope there's as much laughter in the car as when Steve was driving it.
ReplyDeleteThat said, the Mazda Rx-7 is still in the garage. It's a classic car now, and I just can't bring myself to sell it quite yet. I keep thinking one of the kids will ultimately take it. We'll see.
I love your story about Lane's Yellow Jeep Wrangler.
ReplyDeleteToday, as I do frequently, I fussed over my husband's truck that I can't seem to part with, making sure it was brushed of leaves and pollen. When I come home and see that truck, it reminds me of all the times it gave me pleasure to know that he was home.
I have to drive it once in a while to keep it running, I pay insurance on it, I make sure the bed is emptied of water, the tires full of air. It's a bother, but still it's all that's left of the part of him so associated with that truck, and I take comfort from having it here, close to me. I know the day will come when I will have to sell it and I know that will be a difficult day.
It didn't bother me to get rid of his car--it hadn't run in 5 months and it annoyed me to see it sitting in the driveway. His sneakers, however, still sit by the front door--can't seem to let them go. My daughter keeps telling me, "these are just things, Mother--they don't matter." Yeah--she's right. I have gotten rid of all his "things"--except those shoes!!! I don't think his spirit is anywhere or in any thing--other then Heaven.
ReplyDeleteThis is so far off the mark I probably shouldn't post just that I know someone will respond with the answers that will take me down the right path. I have been away from this site for the last couple of months, I met a old high school friend, he was wonderful, and after being alone for 3 years, I felt like there was a chance for my happiness again. It's different the second time and not as fast, I was so guarded, but in the end he got my heart.
DeleteWell, as all good things come to a end.It seemed he couldn't quite come to terms with being a bad guy to break up w/girl friend, as he had told me. so if I would just hang in their, he would break up, I'm almost 55, really, I had 30 years with a wonderful man, he was flawed, but he loved me and I could trust him 100%, I'm so looking for that type of relationship again. I'm kicking myself for thinking this could possibly happen, thinking I've let down my husband and what a good relationship really is, I don't know I'm just mad that I was so stupid. Can it happen again, is it worth the risks.
After my husband died, there were often times I thought of him and a red cardinal would appear outside the window. As with your yellow jeep, I've found that a cardinal will pop up at the oddest times. On those occasions I feel my husband's spirit is near and I know he is watching over me.
ReplyDeleteI began dating my husbands best friend a few months after he died. It was comforting knowing that we could share this bond. One thing led to another and within 6 months we were engaged. It went downhill from there. It was as though I woke up and didnt need or want him the same way. I called off the engagement. I should add that he was 2x divorced and was a man with a temper. I then reconnected with an old school buddy and we have been having a long distance kind of relationship. He is divorced and harbors a lot of hate toward his ex. My husband and I were married for 32 happy years. From my limited experience I have found that a widow dating a divorced man presents a whole bunch of problems. I would like to date a widower to compare.
ReplyDeleteToo much, too soon. Take time to grieve and rediscover who you are and what you want at this stage of your life. Getting involved with your husband's best fiend was not a good idea. Complicated emotions are bound to occur. Then to go right into another relationship that turned sour only adds to your vulnerability. I do understand the need for male companionship but don't make it all or nothing. Reserve some me time and let things happen naturally and slowly. Give yourself time and space to meet new people.
DeleteIn the meantime, be kind to yourself.
hello,to the woman,who jumped the gun so to speak,that was alittle early for you to jump into another relationship,epecially nhim being yourlate husband's friend.sorry to hear of your problems,but it is best to be on your own for awhile after adeath,to get use to your life again on your own and with time the hurts of loss lessen but truly never really goaway.we learn to deal with this widow life,one day at a time for me i am a widow of21months.i go to work everyday,have acouple of hobbies and good support from friends and family.iam still taking one day at atime.istarted witha good grief counselor,and keepng busy is thekey,there is no time limit for grief but 6 months is too soon ,just because you did not want to be alone it soun ds like.take time to know ypurself again ,befor jumping in toanother relation ship.i hope things work out better for you.
DeleteHi. My husband referred me here after meeting you. Let me say that as a woman who isn't at this stage in life, it is very comforting to know what a strong support net is out there. Your story about the Jeep made me cry. Thank you for sharing it.
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ReplyDeleteThis past Sunday I visited the Grand Canyon with a friend. I took some of my husband's ashes with me to scatter. We had planned on doing this trip together and it felt right to leave a little piece of him there. I walked down the trail until I found a spot with a beautiful view (although they are all amazing), sat down and thought of him. It was unbelievably calm and quiet when I started sprinkling. Just as I did, a raven flew past and cawed. It was like out of an old Western movie. By the way, my husband's nickname was FreeBird . Fly High.
ReplyDeleteSue: whenever I see a car like the one my husband drove, I also check to see if he is driving it! I know that may sound silly (he has been gone for 3.5 years) but I always get a little sob in my throat, "hoping" to see him again. Shortly after he died, my youngest (who was then 14) had a dream that he had pulled into the driveway. In her dream, she was in the backyard and ran to the car, screaming and sobbing for him to roll down the window so that she could talk to him. It was as though he could not hear her and he slowly backed out of the driveway and then disappeared. I guess I feel like that whenever I see "his" car and he's not the one driving it.
ReplyDeletemy husband died just a few months ago .and i have his truck to.he loved it some time i look out hoping to see him behind the wheel.since hes gone i have moved to be with my daughter .her husbands family live near .but i have no friends here.and i miss not not having my lady friends to talk or go have coffee.i was married 34yrs and this is so hard .i had to sell my home my daughter wants me to live with her but i feel like the child now .we had plans to retire and take it easy. he had a kidney transplant in 06 but it all started in 02 when he got wes nile from a mesquite bite.he was big strong man and it all went down hill.he started getting every thing 3 strokes surgery on both feet sugar out of control. we had no time to plan for our future we had 3 kids at home .our last got married last July.well i didnt want to bore any one .but maybe some one can tell me does being alone start to feel normal.or do you need to force your self to go out and change your life.
ReplyDeleteDear Carolyn,
DeleteIt's been almost 13 months since my husband died and I struggle with your question every day. I work and go home. Occasionally I go out with girlfriends. It's starting to seem like people are expecting me to be "okay" so I'm feeling like I have to fake it to have any interaction. I wish I could tell you or that someone else can give us advice.
I have not posted on here in several weeks, but just happened to check in and this post really spoke to me. Many things happen to me all the time that I don't think can be random coincidence. But the most unusual, and the one for which I actually have witnesses who can confirm it, happened several months after my husband passed away. We live on a large acreage in north Florida, and in the course of three days, we saw a white squirrel, a white owl, and a white ferret. I know what you're thinking... 'that's not possible!' But I can assure you that it did happen. He loved me and he loved this gorgeous homestead that he built, literally from the ground up, and I am certain it was him letting me know he was still here, watching over me. I miss that man so very much -- my life will never be the same without him. But it helps to know that his spirit is still here with me, and that his arms still encircle and protect me.
ReplyDeleteTo Carolyn:
ReplyDeleteIt has been 9 months since my husband died and for me, it is getting easier to be alone. I went from my parents to my husband so being alone has been very foreign to me. I had to force myself to be social at first and that, too, is getting easier. Now, I try to make a date with a friend or family at least once a week. It does help.
Hang in there. What they say about time is true, at least it is for me. It is getting easier, but I don't ever expect to feel normal (whatever that is), and I don't ever expect that I will not miss my husband of over 50 years.
My story is along the same lines as the woman who jumped the gun so to speak. I was widowed 14 months ago after 19 wonderful years with a loving, nurturing, supportive older man. Within the first week of my husbands passing a gentleman who I met briefly during a business transaction 5 years prior sent a message through one of his family members that he was interested in dating. He began calling within 2 weeks after the funeral. About 4 weeks after my husbands passing I met with the gentleman to tell him in person that it was too soon to date, and that even if I was not grieving, he was not my type etc. When I told the gentleman that I needed 6 months to grieve etc and suggested that he check back with me in 6 months his reply was, "In 6 months when you are feeling better you won't even look my way". We started dating right away and I let him into my life and eventually into my broken heart. Even after 13 months of dating I realize still that he is not a man that I could marry for various reasons, (not a one woman man etc.) In the last few months I have chosen to be in his presence less and less and to truly start my life on my own. The downside is: In some ways the reality of being a widow has been DELAYED by being in this too soon relationship. The upside: If I had to do it all over again I would probably still jump the gun even though he did not turn out to be my next mate.
ReplyDeleteThank you to everyone who responded to my comment. And apologies to Sue for getting so far off topic but I wanted to respond to the comments. I am the widow who jumped the gun with my husband's friend. It did not work out, but in many ways it softened some of my earliest days of mourning. He gave me companionship and a shoulder to cry on at all hours of the day/night. Yes, it was too soon to become involved with anyone and he definitely would have been the wrong person to marry. But I learned a lot from that experience. My late husband and I met as teenagers and were together for 36 years. We essentially grew up together and a big part of who I grew up to be was being his wife/partner. When he died, a huge part of ME died too. I feel (after 3.5 years) that I am having to grow up again - as an entirely different person. And I'm not sure who that person is yet.
ReplyDeleteButterflies..I've got so many stories you wouldn't believe. Regarding Jeeps..the last car my husband bought me was a red Jeep. I shuttered when it hit 100 thousand miles.I don't want it to die on me too. It ties me into the life I had with him and how he took care of me. I so miss being cared for. He would of sold it before now and bought me a new one. It's sad that I'll have to trade it in some day on my own. Another independent thing I can do but won't like. I find I'm getting passive about this life and the future. Not a giving up but resigning to the reality, without feeling a dream for more someday. Like a spark in me has gone out and I just get by. Can't figure out how to shake the feeling off as yet. I thought after three years I'd be further along. Probably caring for my 92yr old mother slows down the process. Just keep pushing on doing my best,and maybe something will change that will wake me up again.
ReplyDelete