I have always wondered why Lane died on my birthday. Was there an explanation? Was it his way of making sure I didn't forget him? Was it payback for every mistake I have ever made in my life? Maybe his dying on March 18th was his way of being considerate. I wouldn't be celebrating that day anymore so maybe his intention was to keep me from realizing I was getting older. It's true I no longer celebrate my birthday. Untrue that I haven't gotten older.
There never seems to be a good explanation when something you can't understands happens. Why do some mean, unscrupulous people live to be very old? Why do some women have children and others can't? Is there an explanation when someone takes care of him/herself and still gets cancer or heart disease?
Some people think that God has plan for all of us. Or could it be just luck or fate that takes over? I really don't know.
Why did Lane have to die? I don't think there is an explanation that would help me miss him less or not feel cheated.
I guess a lot things in life can't be explained. We just have to learn to live with the hand we are dealt.
Do you have any explanations?
Sue
Maybe he didn't die on your birthday, but rather he lived long enough to be with you on your birthday, as if he wanted to do one last thing of note with you. Perhaps his real intention was to pass after midnight, so that it was a last day together...but he didn't quite have that much strength.
ReplyDeleteIn an odd way, it was his last gift to you. A last piece of together.
I think to think of him as _dying_ on your birthday is a sad burden he probably would not have wanted you to carry.
I guess I am living through much of what Sue has said, and it is human nature to find an explanation when there isn't one. My husband died recently in traumatic circumstances on our youngest daughter's birthday, the house was full of children when we received the knock on the door. I know he would not of wanted to die the way he did and on the particular day he did. Life is precious and is often taken for granted, but saying that my husband was dearly loved, and loved us very much, so although it is painful we are close, and are blessed to be his family
DeleteI do believe that God has a plan. If you believe in the Bible then you know that it states that God knows the hairs of our head. If you believe that then you must also believe that God has a plan. I just don't understand His plan. I trust it but can't understand why He wanted my husband when He did. There are so many bad people in this world. My husband was a good Christian man who loved with all his heart. Why us? Why now? Why would God want me to be alone? My friend said that I am young enough (65) and strong enough to handle it. That is her explanation! I don't have any except that my Joe no longer suffers and is in a far better place than me!
ReplyDeleteWhen I am in a philosophical state of mind I remind myself that in a relationship (in my case, a 40 year marriage), either SHE will bury HIM, or HE will bury HER. There is no other way out of it unless they die together in a freak accident. And because no one gets out of this world alive, sooner or later, it will happen to all of us. And when I am in a very strong philosophical state of mind, I tell myself that I have a head start on this. I have already buried HIM. Still doesn't help the missing him, though. Just helps me to accept it a little better. Judy
ReplyDeleteThose words 'live with the hand you are dealt' was my husband's philosophy throughout his adult life. Even during his illness, he would use the quote when friends and family visited. He was such a strong, brave man who fought hard to go into remission, but died with dignity. I, on the other hand, refused to believe it was the end of a 38 yr. marriage with the love of my life. I stayed focused, prayerful, and full of hope during those eight months taking care of him.
ReplyDeleteBeing a christian, I am ashamed to admit I was angry with God for awhile and felt cheated out of our senior years together. At age 61, we looked forward to retirement! Of course, when I think of younger widows with children, I have to be grateful for the years we DID have together and that our three daughters were on their own. I worked one more year and retired at age 62 determined to spend some time being of service to others.
My faith has helped when I felt I would lose my mind with grief. That biblical passage that says "lean not unto your own understanding" strenthens my trust in God's plan for the remainder of my life since HE is in complete control. I meditate on HIS promises daily and pray for all of us who are striving to carry on with a sense of purpose.
Job was tested beyond anything I could imagine. He lost all of his children, and everything he had, but his response was "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."
ReplyDeleteMany of the sufferings of this life have no answer here for us. Only when we've made our final journey, and are on the other side in heaven, then all will be made clear. Trusting, and not throwing away my faith in the Lord is not always easy; but it is a must.
My husband died in my arms, after many yrs. of serious heart problems, my father died on Christmas day, a half-hour before we were to sit down to Christmas dinner. My mother died after a very long battle with diabetes, and suffered great pain, and amputations before she finally left this world of sorrow.
But, I know this; I will see them again. The best is yet to come.
That is definitely a double blow for you Sue. It must be terrible.My heart goes out to you. I will be turning 50 this year and am considering sweeping it under the carpet. It doesn't mean anything without the one you want to share it with the most.
ReplyDeleteI tend to look more to science for my answers as I am not a person of faith. My husband was 51 , a runner, healthy eater his entire adult life. I ordered an autopsy and received the report 2 weeks ago and have spent countless hours Googling myself into oblivion.Severe pulmonary edema/left sided heart failure due to Cardiomegaly/Myocardial fibrosis. Somewhat of an answer but now I want to know when it happened and why? Those things will remain a mystery forever. And knowing won't change the outcome.And like you said, how much you miss them. My pain comes from knowing that he was at the Dr's twice before it happened and nothing was found. He knew something was wrong.I will always wonder if anything could have been done to save him.I will never know and that haunts me.
People keep telling me the phrase, "God never gives your more then you can handle"..well I don't necessarily think that is true, but I also don't think it was God who handed this to me. Things just happen. People get sick and die. God may know the time and place long before we are born--we do not. It seems more then we can handle, but one thing I know--God is there helping us through all of this journey. Right after Fred died, I turned to his nurse and said, 'Now he knows ALL the answers!"
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER-after saying all that, I have always wondered why some really good people die fairly young and some really mean, awful people live well into old, old age--doesn't seem right does it. Maybe God keeps giving them chance after chance to seek salvation?
Someone told me that a few months ago also, that God never give you more than you can hadle. I said, "What, are you kidding me! You mean to say that God took my loving husband of 31 years because he thought I could handle it?" I absolutely refuse to believe a loving God would do something like that. I know we have free will and we all make choices... and, you're right judemiller1, things just happen. That's life, and death is part of life. I didn't expect my husband to die at 58 years old, and my life has been only half a life for the past 5 months, but death happens, and I'm making the choice to get by. It really sucks a lot, but I'm hoping it will get better.
DeleteI am so sorry Sue. And I am so thankful that you started this blog! It was kind and generous of you and it has made me feel normal at dysfunctional time in my life. You helped make the last 2 years better. It has all been so difficult and the posts from other widows helped when people that have never been widows made hurtful comments during the healing process. You are an example of how to be strong in the face of adversity and move forward gracefully.
ReplyDeleteThanks Much!!sm
Although it seems a cruel irony, that someone dies on a loved one's birthday, it could be viewed as a gift as one of the responders suggested. When my father died on my deceased daughter's birthday, I thought of it as a gift. My daughter loved her grandpa dearly and I enjoyed the thought that now she had him back.
ReplyDeleteI tell myself lots of stories, trying to make sense of the apparent senselessness of life, death, and all of the "whys."
I tell myself that my husband was ready to leave this earth because he was so very sick and tired and had become intollerant of many aspects of our modern society. I tell myself that he waited until I was strong enough to be alone. I tell myself that he is in a better place.
All the while I'm telling myself these stories I have the feeling that they are just stories, that I'm trying to make myself feel better when in reality, I'm afraid that it's all just random, fate.
I do pray, seek answers, and on some level I know that there is something larger and greater than me and my finite thinking, something I don't yet understand, but hope to when my time comes.
My Husband was a practical joker all his life - truly a man with a GSOH (Great Sense Of Humour). He died on April Fools day.
ReplyDeleteNot one of his better jokes, but it means that I will never forget the date.
I would always have missed him dreadfully on that day anyway, it was one of his favourite days of the year. He would plan jokes for it weeks in advance, and enjoy them so much. So perhaps it was his way of combining the suffering as it were - instead of having to face April Fools day and his deathday separately, I only have to do it once. It was 10 days after his birthday, and 2 days after our wedding anniversary, so most of my bad days come in a rush, and are over together just as the new spring begins and hope rises again.
I try to look on that as a blessing.
Sue my heart goes out to you losing him on your Birthday must be terrible. My Richie died 1 week before his birthday . Why him I often wonder there is no reason . He was always in good health ,then all of a sudden he get one thing after another . until finally the cancer that took him . Why him I ask all the time, why are all the goods ones taken early. There is no explanation no reason why, I will never understand why him and not me .
ReplyDeleteI haven't visited this site for a few weeks, things have been so hectic, spring comming on early, childrens birthdays, a lot of excuses, Yesterday we buried my 1st cousin, a man of god, town and family. 58, freak accident, I held his wife and knew nothing I could tell her would make this a better time, She has family upon family, friends, to the point the church wasn't big enough, but the things she will face will not be in a public forum. They will be in her own heart and in her own way and time. She ony said you really know how I feel, I told her yes and it's not a club I wanted you to join with me. I will keep her in my thoughts, send some cards, let her know of this site. We are not to be the ones who judge who is good or evil and why the good go first. I think the plan will never be revealed until we have lived this life. All the comments from above are true, I believe that however we rationalize the loss of our loved ones it's that we are able to. I lost a brother on Christmas eve 33 years ago, so with the death of my husband I make sure I do not memorialize the death as my mother has done but to celebrate the life of the ones still here. My cousins son said: if we take nothing else from this service today, take that you need to tell the ones you love with each ending conversation that you love them, don't take that for granted, and don't let them leave without regrets in your heart that you didn't tell them, "I love you".
DeleteThanks for sharing Sue. No explanations, but somehow it is still true that you are worth celebrating - your day of birth was obviously very special. Starting with that March day when 'you' happened and each year throughout your life. It seems right to honor your life on your special day. Our private memories are a huge, precious vault with blessings of past and present and future.
ReplyDeleteMy husband died on Jan 4. He just died. No warning, after nearly 30 years together he left me. The funeral home wanted to have the service on Jan 9, my birthday and my daughter wouldn't allow it, so we had it on the 7th. Yet, I think I'll always be in a fog that whole week. It's been about ten weeks now, and I'm angry he left me, I'm sick of this new life I want my life back, I want him back. I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
ReplyDeleteOh I know just how you feel. My husband died 2 years and 4 months tonight. I have never experienced the physical pain. And hurt and sadness, and loneliness that losing your spouse, your love, your life. I'd like to tell you that it gets better, but I can't, not yet. Stay strong. SG
DeleteNo explanations for things, we have no control of. Yes, we have to deal with the hand we were dealt. But, we sure had a winning hand for years. I'ts such a hard and heart broken journey we are on these days. I've been really depressed the last couple of days and have pretty much shut down from everyone around me. I think my dogs can feel it too. They were moping around yesterday. I found the bag I was using while my husband was in hospital and then funeral home. Lot's of paperwork and stuff in that bag, very depressing memories of those 2 weeks. My mother wrote me a brief little letter on fb two days ago. She said, "I wish you would get over Kent's death and be happy like you used to be." She preceeded to tell me how she lost people too and how I should take up bowling or something. I wrote back and told her. "Nobody tells me how to grieve." It's time to take a break from everyone. I don't get on fb any more and I screen my calls big time. I wish there was any easy solution to grieving, but there isn't. One day at a time... A new day today... Trying to stay on course... Trish
ReplyDeleteHang in there Trish! You are being true to yourself by allowing yourself to feel whatever you feel at any given moment. Those distressing moments we reflect on are involuntary. They come and go without warning. Give yourself permission to take a break with no apologies.
DeleteFrom months of reading your posts, your determination to carry on with your life is admirable. Kent would be so proud!
Sue,
ReplyDeleteThere is no explanation...I'm sure Lane did not die on your birthday so you would not forget him (He KNEW you would never forget thin.) It was not payback for every mistake you have ever made (you are human, we all make mistakes and they are forgiven.) Maybe it was him being considerate...from what you have written about him, he was very considerate. I am sad to hear that you no longer celebrate your birthday. I assure you that if all of us had your address you would be overwhelmed with birthday cards filled with the very best of good wishes!!! You are such a gift to so many. Please consider celebrating your birthday once again next year...for us : ) There are no explanations to the questions you posed. As a christian, I often quote the phrase from Isaiah, "God's ways are not our way's and are beyond our understanding." A hard truth to truly accept. We humans want to know "WHY?" God asks for our trust in Him to accept His will be done...not OUR will...but HIS will. I have accepted that now but it has taken me almost 4 years to let go of MY will and trust God's will which I know is best. I also know I will never understand and that is ok. I am at peace. I trust God...after all He is God. I hope all of you will find peace.
to larryslove, sad as it may sound, u will make it. my husband died 4 mos. ago, i didn't think i would make it either. i'm sure all the others felt that way too, but u survive. we aren't given a choice. it hurts so bad u want to die. u want to go with him. i've cried,begged,screamed, but nothing changes. what we would give if it could. my heart aches for u,we have all felt what u are feeling. u have to read what all the other people on here say. they have gone through the walk we are going through and every feeling they have talked about we will have also, just like them. there is a whole in ur heart nothing can feel up.scared feelings, not knowing where u belong, anxiety, such a brain fog. so many different feelings. my thoughts and prayers are with u.
ReplyDeleteThank you Katie. :) Hard to get over my "true" love... My husband meant everything to me. :) He would not want me to fall into my "deep" sadness... I will work on snapping out of it. I was doing soooooooo good and being so positive. Hmmm.... I ask myself, "What happened?" Not an "easy" journey we walk... Hugs to all my "widow" friends... Not and easy road we travel on! But, we have to keep a positive attitude, whether we like it or not. One foot in front of the other/One day at a time... Trish...
ReplyDeleteI was just telling a friend of mine that I don't feel comfortable anymore and often feel out of place. Parties are difficult because you are alone with no spouse to look across the room at and know it is time to go and laugh about all the things that happened at the party on the way home. I am also very bored and do not enjoy living alone but am not at all interested in dating. I work full time but the weekends are difficult even though it has been 2 years and I'm sure people think I should move on. But I am 56 and have no idea what the future holds and am losing hope that things will ever get better. It was so sudden and unexpected and I am wondering if I am having some sort of latent PTSS..I wondered if anybody else feels this way after the sudden death of a healthy spouse...
ReplyDeleteI have been visiting this website for a few months now(its been 5mon.since my husbands death) and it does help to know you are not alone. Especially hard in the late night or early am for me.I don't feel so alone after I have visited. It helps to know others know the lonely feeling along with you, no one knows it until you join the club,there are no words until you're in it.
ReplyDeleteMy husband always said people close to death would often hold on for a marker date. My uncle died on his anniversary to his wife. My husband died just three days short of his birthday. So I think that is true, while on earth people tend to focus on earthly markers. I think once you pass on, there is no space or time as we know it here on earth, that the spirit exists forever and is always around.I feel my husband's presence in spirit quite often. Perhaps that's because he will always have a place in my heart and memories, perhaps it's because his spirit is here.
ReplyDeleteit's 10:10 saturday evening, im so lonely. noone to talk to, where do you go at this stage of your life just to talk to people? never was a person to go out, just enjoyed being at home with my husband. now its too quiet and lonely. i want my old life back,i hate this new one. i try so hard to move forward and i find i my fool others,but i don't fool myself. i miss him so much. we we're content to just be together. how does one ever heal from this?
ReplyDeleteI lost my husband seven months ago and it has been so hard for me! He was in an accident and two days later gone. I have had to be put on several different nerve pills and only one that is addictive worked and now I am going off it and feel so much anxiety I can hardly handle it. I wonder if anyone else went through this and could recommend something to me. I love the Lord and I cast all my care to Him but so much anxiety and don't know what to do! The doctor tells me to be positive and it will go away but so far panic attacks and anxiety is still there! I am on another non addictive meds called Buspar which helps but still anxiety! Any suggestions would help? God bless all of you!
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate reading all of your comments. Your words have inspired and comforted me throughout the past 6 months since my husband died.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm about to say is not relevant to the topic (well, maybe, sort of) but I've been experiencing some things that make me feel as though my husband, from the Great Beyond, is helping me. For example: I took his truck out to run it, get the water out of the bed, etc. I was about 1/4 mile from home without my cell phone or wallet, and while turning around, I got stuck in a culvert. Before I'd even had a chance to get out to survey the damage, an SUV pulled up, a guy jumped out and assured me that he'd get me out. He pulled a big chain from his trunk, hooked it to the truck and out I came. It seemed rather miraculous since I live way out in the country with cars going by a rarity.
There have been several other instances where I've felt his intervention. Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but it helps to think that it might be possible. Something to ponder.
Its been awhile since I have been on here, trying to keep busy with my adult kids but at the moment I am alone for a while, I to hate my new life, thank you for this site, I do go to counceling once a month to be with people that know exactualy how I feel, lonely days and nights, I feel what you all are feeling, there are so many of us that are alone and hate our lives without our soul mates, 51 years with 1 person and then poof, gone. This site is so much help for us.
ReplyDeleteDates like birthdays, anniverseries, etc. they bring me so much pain and I am just a little over a week from the two year marker of my husbands death. I have grown to hate those dates and like you tend to just ignore them; pretend they are not happening and try to put them away. It doesn't work; I wish it did. It is just creepy that way. I miss him so much and I don't know how to stop missing him. I have the moments when things happen and you know he has his hands in the way it turned out and you want to hold on to that moment but it is gone as fast as it came. My spouse died on 4/3/10 and then his birthday was 4/16. My dad died two years before him on 5/4 and my youngest daughters birthday is 5/5. Our wedding anniversary is 5/31. I just wish April and May didn't happen; they would wipe them off the calander. As much as I think I won't be sad this year I can't change it the sadness is just boiling over.
ReplyDeleteJust like a previous response, I told a friend that I just didn't fit anywhere anymore not even my children's homes. She actually yelled at me that I do fit! What little she knows! I have been in a bunko group with most of the same ladies for over ten years. Went for March (my love, my life, my husband died Feb. 8) and I was so out of place there. BIG MISTAKE! My dil told me she hasn't been by my house because that way she can pretend that Joe is still here. Doesn't she know that I am lonely and would love for her to come visit? Other friends tell me I need to find something to do. Don't they get that I can barely function and could not visit the sick, etc (their suggestion). It has been 6 weeks and people, my family included think I should let the memories make me happy. How can I be happy with so much emptiness, loneliness, and sadness? No explanation here just Sunday night and I am so sad and so sick and tired of crying!
ReplyDeleteHi Sue and other widows:
ReplyDeleteThis is off topic, but I am a 20-something year old daughter of a widow. My dad died three years ago, and my parents loved each other very much. While I miss my dad very much, the worst part about all of this would actually have to be seeing my mom so sad and depressed. My heart breaks for her, and I want her to feel better so badly.
My question is this: Mothers out there, what do you expect/hope from your adult children? I do only live 30 minutes away, and I see my mom weekly or at least every other week. I take her to dinner and movie, things like that. I usually call or email once through the week too to check up on her. What else can I do? I've even considered living with her at some point, but while I love my mom, we aren't "that" close. I was more of a daddy's girl. Not to mention I live with my boyfriend in an apartment. I just feel at a loss...Any suggestions?
To the daughter of the widow. You are a very beautiful and caring soul. What you are doing is exactly what my daughter has done for me. The messages, pictures of my grandchildren doing something goofy, the just called checking on you. Those keep us going, and those get us thru those hard times. My daughter was very distant the first 9 months after we lost my husband, I realize she lost her father, some learning curve time on both sides, we finally had somewhat of a shouting match, when I told her exactly how I felt, she said that's what she needed to know. She thought I was angry at her. so far from the truth. Since than I may have lost my husband, but I have my daughter and family back.
Delete@ 20-something year old daughter. You just keep living your life to the fullest and making your future. My daughter is 19 with a baby and my son is 13. I don't put to much on my kids and don't expect anything, because I know they have been grieving too. I try to keep things as normal as possible around here. I just want my kids to be happy and live their lives. It sounds like you are doing alot in comforting your mom and spending time with her. We "widows" will have our ups and downs, it's out of our control, but we keep going. Just stay happy and enjoy life with your boyfriend. Last night I watched the movie "P.S. I Love You." It's about a greiving widow. I really liked it and glad I got to see it. All you girls should go out and rent it. I'm back into positive mode... Trish
DeleteDear 20-something, You seem to be a caring daughter and I'm sure your mother appreciates you. After all, you are also dealing with your own grief. Everything you are doing is right on point. There is no need to alter your lifestyle. Speaking from experience, my youngest (also in her 20s) who lives out of state, offered to move back home with me. I said no because I want her to live her life without feeling responsible for my well-being. I often tell her and her two sisters how much their consistent support means to me after 3 years. In her own timing, your mother will make her way to some level of peaceful joy. It has to come from within. Feel good about what you are doing!
DeleteIn answer to the daughter's inquiry above, I don't know what I should expect from my grown children. Both my sons told their dad that they "had me". To have my back, I would like a phone call just to check in everyday. Doesn't have to be long conversation, just I love you Mom and is there anything I can do to help at the house, with the yard, or just an update on their day. I don't think this is asking too much as this can be done in the car going to or from work. I understand their lives are busy and full but mine is empty and they are all the family I have left.Even just a text with a picture of something my grans are doing is nice. It is the last promise they made their dad!!! Maybe my sadness is just too much for them. I know that it is for some people that were life long friends but never call now.
ReplyDeleteI lost my hubby, Neal, to brain cancer 6 months ago. One day he came home and could not turn on the computer, and he was dead 23 days later. I lost him so fast and so many bad things happened, I feel like I do have PTSD. Things are not getting any better. I do not have anxiety as much as I did at first, and I eat and sleep better. But, the pain of the loss, that seems to be getting worse. I have friends, but no children. I have been going outside this week and I am working hard in my gardens, but Neal is not here to eat everything up as I grow and preserve it. The world is really a pretty empty place without him. I keep trying.
ReplyDeleteTo the lady whose husband died Feb 8, you are fine. No one can tell you how to handle grief, I was still staring at walls at 6 weeks. My Mother used to say "you are thinking too much." and in a way she was right. I got my best relief when I went to a local no kill cat shelter my hubby helped out at to donate in his name, and I took home a very unhappy boy cat. Making him happy has helped.
Hi to all I would like to add a comment, My husband died on march 20th 2012 I am not sure what to do now, I feel lost all the time, I can't pack his things up right now cuz i feel like I am kicking him out of the house. I feel lots of things but the only word I can come up with is lost. we were married for 25 years and he was 55 when he died and I am only 48, he had prostate cancer which took him to the good lord. I am right now seeking a support group for me and my 2 boys which are 13 and 21. This is nice to have this on here to leave comments, thank you for listening and I will be back anything helps.
ReplyDeleteto april 19,2012, lost is one of the best words to discribe how you will feel,alone is another,scared, and sometimes i feel i like i have brain fog. i honestly can't think straight. my husband has been gone 5mos and i haven't touched his things yet. go back and read all of sue's blogs, you will see everything you feel is normal. you will no when you are ready. the other women who have gone before you and i have a lot advice. pls. go easy on yourself and take time to grieve, its a process you go through. rest when need to. some days i give mtself 3 things to accomplice and if i do that i'm happy,if i don't get them done,tomorrows another day. some days i push one foot in front of the other. its good to get help,if u need it for u and your boys. this isn't easy,it's not where any of us here wanted to be. blessings to all of you,it helps to come here,your not alone here.
ReplyDeleteMy dear husband of 62 years died Dec 26 2012. I went to a six week grieving class.Words cannot express what this did for me. I accept his death and take one day at a time. Without this class I would be in bad shape now.He was 84 yrs old and had led a good life full of joy etc. My life began the day I met him at the age of 16.He was 19.We had a great marriage. I Truly believe that god brought him to me.
ReplyDeleteI lost my husband on January 31st of this year. He had cancer and fought very hard. We had gotten several opinions, but no one could help him. I woke up out of a sound sleep at about 3:00 am one morning about six weeks ago. I fel compelled to write something. Here is is:
ReplyDeleteMy Sweet, Sweet Love
Richard dear I love your so,
My love for you will never go.
My lover, my friend, my everything,
God has given my angel wings.
I tried to fight it from the start,
but when I looked into your eyes,
you won my heart.
You lifted me up when I was down.
A sense of purpose was what I found.
As the years passed with heartaches and troubles, as well as blessings and joy,
We brought into the world two girls and a boy.
Now they are all grown and on their own and
you have gone to be with God, leaving me alone.
I long to see your handsome face
and to hear you hearty laugh.
The way you found humor in everyday life,
Trying to bring happiness to me, your wife.
Even when you knew the end was near,
you carried on and showed no fear.
It's hard to accept that the familiar life
I knew will be forever changed and re-arranged.
I wish these hurtful thoughts would leave my mind and somehow set me free.
I try and try, but I must admit I no longer know how to be.
I've never known such sadness and grief,
I wish I was able to find some relief.
My mind keeps wanering to your last day of life, the suffering, the agony, the disbelief.
I don't know how people we know can get on with their lives, when such a beautiful man
has failed to survive.
The rhythm of life is a mystery to me.
God gives us choices I am told.
To question His will is thought to be bold.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Part of me was lost with your death.
Now I have to make sense with the pieces that are left.
My precious lover and loyal friend, please, please tell me that this is not the end.
I close my eyes and pretend you are near.
Your smile and touch was oh so dear.
I will always love you until we meet again.
I don't know where and I don't know when.
I also lost my husband on my birthday january 17,2013. He was shot and killed by a police officer.he wasnt armed. We have twins turning one year on march 8, he will never be able to see our boys grow up. It breaks me to pieces, everday is hard for me. I talked to him ten minutes before this tragedy, he was calling me to say he loves me and is on his way to celebrate my bday with our kids. Five hours later i see the guy he was with on news and title said one arrested and other killed, my heart felt ripped out. He never left me voicemessages cuz i dont like to listen, yet day after he died i check them to hear a heattbreaking message of him saying happy birthday bby ill be seeing u shortly i love u and hope ur day is goong good so far, i love u, ilove u too much. Like god allowed him to say goodbye in a way.everyday i hear it over n over, the only way to hear his voice n feel him close. I love u babe....the day u died so did a big part of me. I too never want to celebrate my birthday again. Worst day of my life
ReplyDelete