Monday, January 30, 2012

Speak Up!

This is the 2nd year anniversary of this blog.  I want to thank all of you for your support, friendship and participation. Sometimes I wonder if I should continue. Does anyone care what I have to say?  But I do  believe that sharing our feelings and experiences has been and will be helpful to "new widows" or us "seasoned veterans."

This an invitation to all widows to speak up.  We know that oftentimes family and friends don't really want to hear us be emotional, honest or even talk about our late husbands.  So now is your chance to get it out.  Tell those who understand how you feel. I'll start:
  
-   Life without Lane isn't much fun.
-   Going to social events alone is awful.
-   Growing old is scary.
-   I'm bored or am I boring?
-   Some days I am full of self-pity and I don't care.
-   Being a widow sucks!

Now let's hear from you.  Hit the comment box and speak up.

Sue

43 comments:

  1. It sucks is an under statement. No one wants to hear that after years you are still in love with your husband and miss him. I'm not a widow because in my heart I am still married to and in love with Wayne and there could never be anyone else. Growing old for me was never a problem until this year when I was diagnosed with cancer and it unfortunately is not one that I will ever be cured from I am hoping for 5 yrs before I have to do Chemo again. So getting old really sucks when you know you life is shorter than you thought and your facing multiply chemo's before the cancer kills you. I had a boring job so I decided a few years ago to change and boy did I. I get to travel the world with our military to some safe places and other not so safe. When I'm not traveling for my job I am off traveling with the grandkids. I can only stay away from home for so long and then I have to get back home but once I am home for a few days I am ok and I can go again. I could not stand it if I was stilling working a regular 9-5 job and home every night. No one understands unless they have experienced and no one really wants to hear about it. You can't talk to your kids because then they will worry you can't talk to your parents because they can't fix it for you and they are to old to handle it. Friends really don't know and don't know what to say and are uncomfortable if you speak your true feelings. Heck I don't go out unless it has something to do with one of the civics groups that I belong to and most of the time their husbands don't go with them so we go as a group. Yes we do care what you have to say because you say what we feel. You give a voice to our pain.

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  2. You are so right life without Richie does suck. I miss him so much it hurts. I don't think I will ever stop hurting it will be 2 years in March since I lost him to cancer. I can't talk about my feelings with my children they say I am feeling sorry for my self and I need to move on. But how do I move on when I lost everything that matter to me. Don't get me wrong I love my girls but they are all grow and have there owe life. Some days I feel like I can't go on.But I know I have to get up go to work pray the day goes by fast so I can hurry up and go home to sit alone wnd miss what I lost. I hope and pray that it will get better.

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  3. Thank you so much Sue! You walk us thru the lonely, scary, emotional state of being a "Widow." You have helped me alot in the last 11 months and so has everyone that has shared their stories and true feelings. I'M NOT ALONE... We are all on this terrible journey... I went to the cemetary the other day and sat by Kent's Headstone and cried. All I could say was, "How could this happen? Why did you leave me?" I still can't believe what we had is gone... I try to be positive and upbeat, but it's hard to mend a "broken" heart. My nice ways have also seemed to invite a bunch of bozo's in my life. I've been putting the breaks on them and sending them down the road. These are family and so called friends. I don't need "drama" in my life, I've been thru enough this year. Trying to go forward and get past the 1 year mark... Thank you again Sue & keep up the good work... Your friend Trish... :)

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  4. Sue you have helped me so much this year. I never thought too much about widows before I suddenly became one on April 13, 2011 and during the year I have found most other people don't think too much about widows either. Unless you have truly walked the road you don't get it. I went to a therapist a few times - she was very nice but younger and not a widow. She was kind and sympathetic but really not that much help. She told me to journal and not expect too much of myself. My doctor is worse. You and the people on this blog have become my little village. It has helped so much to hear from folks who were further along. It has also helped to know that other people are not perfect and it takes them some time. I guess it's also just good to know that I'm not the only one (although wish I could change things for every one of you). I was 55 when Ed died. I didn't have a plan b. He was my rock and best friend. He was the person that I wanted to do things with and for. Now I've strung together lots of days of putting one foot in front of the other and the pain is not as raw anymore (most days). But it does suck and I do need this place to come to and it has helped me so very much. Thank you!

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  5. Thank-you Sue for this site, Before I started reading this I was writing down my thoughts in a journal, good thing they weren't published because they were pretty dark. This site gives me the opportunity to really understand how different and yet how alike our paths can be. But also lets me know because of the range of women that comment, someone out their has the same thoughts, fears, questions as I do. I have been blessed with my health, after going thru cancer 5 year years ago. My husband was diagnosed with cancer only 1 month after my last surgery. I held his hand as he had held mine, but I wasn't able to save him. He will be gone 3 years already in july. So much in my heart I'll try to be brief. Because of this site, I have focused on things in my life I can control, I ride horses, with the unknowing encouragement this site has given me, I'm in the best shape and riding better than in any time in my life. Yes I'm sad, I miss my husband, but have realized their are women out their with such worse situations, I need to continue to help them if I can thru this blog. Each of us takes something different from each comment, it will encourage, discourage, give us food for thought, but it will inspire.
    Thank-you Sue for this outlet.

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  6. I really appreciate this blog, Sue. Every topic has been relevant. I was married 42 years and i can not imagine the rest of my life without my hubby...nor do I want to think about possibly thirty more years alone. He was my heart and soul. I put everything into this relationship and we chartered many difficult waters....yet still, we persevered...finally getting to the point where we didn't even have to argue or talk...we just "knew" what the other was thinking and feeling. Every day I wake up, just dreading another day alone...with no motivation or enthusiasm to get me through. I have started an anti-depressant. Hopefully that will give me some "umph" so that I can get some joy and optimism back in my life.

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  7. I agree this is a place where I can relate to the pain, loneliness, frustration of a situation I know I cannot change, and sometimes anger. Other's are going thru this too.
    As to a list of my own, this could be a long one; here goes:

    -I wish I could rewind these last several years, and rease them. I wish there was a button I could push to delete his death, and the empty years without him.
    -I'd like a dollar for every time someone has told me I need to "get over it", and "it's time to move on". I could take a vacation to a quiet place away from those who think they know what it's like, but don't.
    -I get tired of people who tell me it's not healthy to be angry, I need counseling. All the counseling in the world is not going to bring my husband back, our home which I had to sell after his death, or the life we had together. I get too tired to be angry for very long, but sometimes it does rise up....why do people have the idea this is not normal? I cannot paste on a plastic smile for everybody.
    -I also hear "start a new adventure in your life, make a fresh start." When this is said, my mind goes back to wave after wave of memories of the adventures of building our two homes, our horses, showing them, the challenges of raising our kids....it's all gone. The thought of starting a new adventure alone is exhausting, and depressing. Why start again? For what purpose?
    -The joys I've had since his death have been in simple things of life, and unplanned. It's much better for me that it stays that way. A heart can only bear so many losses.
    -Yes, life as a widow is the pits. We weren't asked if we wanted this to happen to us; but it did. Please keep going here Sue, we need you and this place.

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  8. Yes Sue, I care about what you have to say. When I found this site August 2011, I was near the 3rd yr anniversary of my husband's death and felt I should have been further along with this grieving process. Reading your profile of being without Lane for 5 years, reassured me. I instantly felt more normal about my emotions that were/are still there. This site has given me the support I need in so many ways.

    The list of things I still struggle with from time to time are: 1) living alone, 2) feeling vunerable and unprotected, 3) couple envy, 4) lack of resources and 5)ruined retirement plans.

    Everyday, I log on for a dose of comradeship with each of you. It is a means of dialogue and I have actually attached myself to some of you who are still new to this grueling process. We relate with each other's frustrations and in our own way offer hope, compassion, understanding and encouragement.

    As I head toward being a 'seasoned veteran' I choose to graciously carry on with good intentions.

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  9. I have apparently been a "customer" of your site since the beginning. My collection consists of 106 of your messages which have carried me through the past two years since my Glenn passed on. I have also printed out several for a friend with no computer. Yes, I do care what you have to say. You let me realize that I am normal. I do function better as time goes on, but I agree with you that "life isn't much fun" without my Glenn. Maybe that should be changed to "life isn't AS much fun" because I do find enjoyment with family, friends, activities, etc. Hang in there, my friend. We need you!

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  10. I just lost my husband 4 months ago and I am already thinking all of those thoughts, It REALLY REALLY SUCKS. I find that people have moved on already. I just am so lonely ! I go out and smile everyday and people say I am doing so well, I just don't want to tell them I am not doing that great and still cry everyday!!!

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  11. Yes Sue, please keep this site going. I too think this life as a widow sucks. I hate my new life I truly want my old one back. I am only six days away from my one year without Robbie. This so was not my plan, my plan had us together for many more years. I am working hard to get my faith back in line that truly is the only hope I have to be back in Robbie's arms again.
    I to still cry every day, thank goodness I have not been told by my family I should be better by now. Everyone who knew Robbie and me knew how much we loved one another and they all know it is going to take me a very
    long time before I will find joy again. Still trying to keep the faith.
    Thanks again Sue please keep us together

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  12. i just discovered this blog and everything you say above rings true for me as well. It's been just about nine months since I lost my beloved husband of 33 years and life is just not the same. Please keep it going. I still need as much support as I can get.

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  13. Yes Sue, please keep going with this, although it has bee a year now since my husband passed, I sometimes don't know how I can go on. I just keep going with the flo, even wondering how. I miss my husband of 51 years together, so many memories, I go to a monthly counceling and that helps, so do you, I enjoy reading about others knowing I am not the only one, and we all seem to have the same fears as we grow older, lonely, I will never be with any one else, I had my love of my life, I am 72 years old, just have to live with my memories, I don't like going out when there is couples, it makes me sad, wonder why me. Keep this going Sue it really helps a lot of us.

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  14. Thank you Sue for this blog. I appreciate your honesty in sharing how you feel and openness of others. It has been 18 months since my husband passed away. For me, it actually is harder this second year. Joe had increasing difficulty with breathing and related confusion due to lack of oxygen during the last 6 months and it was scary at times so when he died I was grateful he no longer had to experience that. I tried to stay focused on the positives and what we had together. But I guess that only goes so far. Life, for me, no longer has meaning and purpose. I simply exist. I feel alone even when I am with others. I miss being a "we."

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  15. Sue, you will never know how important your words and widsome are to me and the rest of the wounded survivors that daily come to this comforting site. You speak for us and with us.

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  16. Hello everyone,

    I'm not a widow and I certainly don't understand how you feel. But I lost my 20 year old daughter a few years back so I know what never ending pain feels like.

    I'm a financial advisor that primarily work with women going through divorce, widowhood or retirement transition.This is not why I'm writting today.

    I created a group on Linkedin if anyone would care to visit called, Women Experiencing Life Transitions. It's a group that help women who are going through the various changes in our lives. I created it so that I may understand my clients more, and also because I too was going through a transitional change.

    Ladies, join us, there are lots of therapist, life coaches, Health coaches that can help you begin a new journey of life discovery. It has helped me. I still miss my baby, but it doesn't hurt as much has it did 4 years ago now that I'm helping others. Take care.

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  17. Dear Sue, Your site is where I go when I am having a difficult day. Reading your post of how you are feeling lets me know that I am not alone in how I feel. Being alone does SUCK. Old age is scary , and some days are just so difficult. Blessing to all .

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  18. Ok I found this site!I am 62yrs old> husband will be gone 1yr march.Went to grade school together .... the mind doesn't cry like it did but now it is a ill feeling all over! I had to get rid of all items that overwhelmed me! Even the odor of his cologne and gave all his pictures away to the kids! I am wearing myself out with anquish ! For pity sake this has been just exhausting.I have no clue what I think a blog site will do but ...this is my 2 cents on how not to handle this grief.I got zanax yesterday...I think I have created a mind jam...don't know how to move on! I know a hobby should be looked into!....I picked up his personality over the yrs and I don't seem to have my own goals or thoughts.Silly how one gets lost in the other person!

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  19. It has been 5 months since the love of my life passed away. We had just bought a camper and were on our first outing,it was Sept 3rd our 34th anniv, my husband went outside for a walk and tripped landing on a solar light which went through his head,3 days later he was dead. Seems like a terrible dream that I just can't wake up from. Everyone's life has returned to normal,but mine is standing still, I feel lost and all alone. I cry and scream but it doesn't seem to help much. I wonder when will this get better? How do I live without him? I love and miss him everyday. Sometimes I'm not sure I want to go on without him. Then I realize I must go on for our daughter and 3 beautiful grandchildren.

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  20. Sue, pasted your list because it is so true and applies to me as well.

    - Life without Harry isn't much fun.
    We did everything together.
    - Going to social events alone is awful.
    and I don't do it very often anymore. Everyone is couples and the pity faces are uncomfortable.
    - Growing old is scary.
    Specially when you know you will be alone. I still "feel" married.
    - I'm bored or am I boring?
    Just plain bored.
    - Some days I am full of self-pity and I
    don't care.
    I have my own pity party and it helps. No one needs to know and it helps me have a better tommorrow.
    - Being a widow sucks!
    It has been 3 years and sometimes it feels as though it was yesterday. The emptiness is always there in the background. My heart goes out to the new widows because I have traveled that road and do know how you feel. The most important thing someone said to me after I lost the love of my life was: "You DON'T have to get over it, but you DO have to get used to it." I'm not over it, I am getting used to it. Peace to all of you.

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  21. I really get up tight when people tell me "I am strong, so will be able to get through this"..little do they know how very weak I am right now... Am so happy to have found this website to share with others..

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  22. Yes, Sue, please keep this site alive. Your blog has become an important part of my life, especially when I've had a bad day and want the reassurance that I'm not alone.
    Like today -- I have a painful foot injury, but regardless, went to the supermarket for my weekly shopping. As I limped along the isles, watching the older couples helping each other with the task, I felt so sad remembering all the times my husband and I shared this job and somehow made it fun. I felt old and scared. What will my future hold? Who will have my back?
    Later, at home I found an old tape recorder and recorded on it was a playful argument with my husband about how to operate the thing. It was such a shock hearing his voice. I loved hearing how we interacted. I had forgotten about this during his long and difficult illness, and when reminded of how cute we were together, I disolved and cried off an on for hours. The first thing I wanted to do was to check into this site, hear from others who share my pain.
    I'm happy to see such an out-pouring from women who feel like I do, that this site is valuable.
    Thank you!!

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  23. I am 65 & it will be a year in March since I lost my precious husband, Bill, We were sweethearts since HS & would have been married 43 years. We had a wonderful life, raised 2 great daughters, enjoyed our grandchildren so much & even tho he had cancer for 10 years before he died, we had the best 10 years during that time. I manage to stay busy most of the time & try not to dwell on what I have lost too much, but instead dwell on what we had & be grateful for that. And I know, as a Christian, that the best is yet to come & that gets me through many rough times. All that being said, there are times like tonight when my heart aches so bad from the loneliness I can hardly stand it. I cry my heart out & feel like no one can understand the feelings & loneliness I have. I look around & see everyone going on with their lives & feel like I am so alone. But I know I am not the only one going through this--especially after reading everyone's comments here--& that helps so much. Just writing this had made me feel so much better. I turn to God & He has never failed to guide me to something or someone & He guided me here tonight. Thank you!

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  24. Found you today. I am one month into this new journey. Thought I was doing pretty well--then, the last couple of weeks, the panic attacks have started. I am talking to a therapist because you sure can't talk to the kids about this nor friends--they have not been through it and have no clue. Rather then helping, the comments scare me..do we ever get over these feelings? But--hey--it is as it is and in order to get through it, I gotta go through it. I was fortunate to find the love of my life at 65--we had 7 really wonderful years--that's what gets me through most days--just being really, really glad for that miracle in my life. Thanks for being here--please don't stop posting--I need all the emotional help I can get.

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  25. Brother and sister are 12 yrs older..still married....theyve been useless as comfort and if fact have never even called to see how things are! OH my brother only wanted to make sure I HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO SURVIVE like he would ever help..not)mY SISTER told me to get a job(she still works at 73)I NEVER EVEN GOT A CARD or funeral flowers!Sis was at her Hawaii condo and bro at his exclusive private community in Texas! They are both wantabe wealthy...just made them self absorbed for all I can see! Oh heck I suppose the anger I have has helped exhaust my tears..Family poo some have none or realize they are not there to lean on! I had an old boss told me to pick myself up by my own boot straps! He got fired the next day and his wife left him a yr later! SOOOO Anger has its place in healing as well as rude people! Its a fight once the weakness leaves! I have been too weak for too long..I want to fight all of this...anxiety at night will pass! I sleep in the living room the bedroom is closed! The poor tv is on 24/7!

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  26. I lost the love of my life 3 1/2 years ago, I agree you never get over it, you get used to it. I think of him daily, and always will.
    I now can go on a little and enjoy life a little, but it's not the same. At least the physical pain is gone, it actually physically hurt when I cried, like a big hole right thru me, weird but true. I miss him beyond belief, please don't stop this blog Sue, it truly is helpful. Thank you

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  27. Sue, I have been reading your blog and the comments for a year and it is the only place that makes me feel like I belong. This is my first comment but it will not be my last. I have received such validation about my feelings and thoughts on this painful and lonely journey. I am 2 years on this roller coaster of my so called "new life" but I haven't figured out what it is yet. After 38 years of marriage to the one and only love of my life, I feel stuck and don't know how to move forward. Everyone else has moved on and I keep waiting for that lightbulb moment to tell me what to do next. So while I wait for that to happen, I go to work, which does keep me sain, come home and spend alot of time by myself. I look forward to your and others words of wisdom.

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  28. Dear Annonymous Feb 1, 2012 @8:06 pm

    When I read your post, it made my heart swell. First, be assured that you are not alone. We are all seeking positive support. Your comments about finding the recording of you and your husband made me smile. Even though it made you sad for awhile, hopefully, it will become a joyful momento. Please allow me to share a similar incident.

    On our last vacation just 2 months before he became ill, my husband bought a fancy digital camera. Without fully understanding how to operate it, the first few shots we took were set on video. Of course, we never realized that. Long story short, that camera has set in a drawer all this time (3 yrs) with undeveloped pictures. Just this past Christmas, visiting family, my granddaughter downloaded the pictures to my laptop and noticed the video frames. I was so surprised and delighted when I saw and heard my husband briefly talking about how we didn't know how to work the thing! At this stage of missing him, it was comforting to hear his voice. Am I glad he insisted on buying that camera?! Precious memories...

    Take care, I hope you are feeling better with the foot injury also. Sending an e-hug!

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  29. Hi Ladies,
    I have been a widow for 8 months and am amazed at the commonality of shared emotions and experiences. I would like to recommend the book Widow to Widow by G. Ginsburg. It has been my survival guide and bible since I lost my beloved Steven.

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  30. Thanks Katie.

    Your shared story touched me and now I will keep the recording that I was going to delete because it made me sad. It so typified our relationship, the playfulness of it that I miss so much.
    Thanks for the e-hug. I needed it!
    From Anon. 2/1 8:06 PM

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  31. First time I've every been to this site. I guess I'm an old timer since my husband has been gone for 7 years. It still seems like yesterday. Yes, I do go out and work and also babysit my grandchildren after work. They do make me smile but when they leave I feel so all alone. I can't really talk to my children about this as there lives have moved on but mine is running in place. I suppose I too am envious of those with partners. Hearing them talk about them and wishing I had just another day with him. We would have been married 45 years last week. Will I survive? yes! Do I want to spend my golden years alone,no. Not sure what will happen next but I still take it one day at a time.

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  32. Sue this site has seen me through some dark moments. Most people dread Mondays - I don't because of you. I don't know how you do it but every week you give me food for thought. Yesterday I went to the jewellery store to pick up my engagement ring that was in for repair...I started crying in the store and continued all the way home driving the car. It's been five months since John died and I cry more than anyone knows except the women who come to this site. All of you know what I'm feeling and Sue you help us help each other...priceless! The ladies that have a recording of their husbands voice are so very lucky. I hear John in my mind but would love to hear him call my name.
    Thank you so very much for providing a forum that all of us need and welcome.


    T

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  33. Wife: I Love You.
    Husband: I Love You Too.
    Wife: Prove it. Scream it to the world.
    Husband: *Whispers in ear* I Love You.
    Wife: Why'd you whisper it to me?
    Husband: Because you are my world.

    I had to post this. Trish... :)

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  34. This site is so comforting, I really enjoy reading every one's comments, we all are going through the same feelings, lost and lonely, I am reading a good book called 28 snow angels, its about a widow that lost her husband, trying to cope, its one of the better ones, also Joyce Brothers book was good. I read the obituaries in the paper, and know someone dies every day, but can't conceive its time for my husband to join that band wagon, but he has, I just keep plugging away and wonder what is in the future for me, I don't want another partner 51 years with the love of my life and now I have to amuse myself without him. I am sure you all feel the same way and its good to know there are others like myself. Thank you Sue for this site.

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  35. I have not commented on this site before but I have followed it for the last 18 months since I lost my love. He was ill for 9 years and was the bravest man I've ever known. He could always make me laugh and I miss that so much. Please keep on with this site Sue. You have no idea how many women you have helped by sharing this trying time with them. Thank you.

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  36. This site is the only place I can go where I feel that others completely understand what it's like to lose not just your husband, but the love of your life, soul mate, best friend, and the yin to your yang. Today is the eighth month anniversary of losing my husband to cancer. About two months after he passed, it became painfully obvious that no one who hadn't been through this wanted to hear about how much I missed him or how empty life was without him. You can share your feelings with your kids to a certain extent, but you're the parent: you're supposed to be strong and help them cope with their loss, not the other way around. In their heart of hearts they don't want to think of their strong 'I can do anything I set my mind to' mom as being unable to even get out of bed and get dressed some days (they are in their late 20s/early 30s and live out of state so fortunately I don't have to put on a show for their sake!). I turn 60 in a few days, and my kids and I will be going to the place where their Dad and I met and fell in love 40 years ago to scatter some of his ashes. We had always planned to go there as a family since the kids have never been there. Now it is up to me to retell our history and point out all the places that have always held such special meaning for us. Bittersweet to say the least.

    Sue, I know I've gone off topic here -- sorry! Thank you so much for this blog and giving us a place to express our pain, our sadness, our anger, our loneliness. I'm sure there are weeks when you would like to just permanently walk away, and I would certainly understand if you felt that you needed to do that. But I can't tell you how much you have helped me in just the two months that I've been reading your blog, and for that I'll always be grateful.

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  37. ditto. ditto. ditto.

    knowing we're not alone, knowing we can voice our fears, knowing this is a road and we're moving along it....these are wonderful thing...and why we should thank whomever we thank for these things for granting us the internet.

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  38. Hi, I just stumbled across this blog. I lost my husband on January 2, 2012, just 78 days after he was diagnosed with cancer. We were married 40 years and I'd known him since high school. His illness was grueling and he suffered so much, especially at the end. I was so thankful that I was able to care for him and that he was able to pass away at home. My memories are precious but needless to say, I am still fragile, often crying with no warning. I have already noticed the calls and visits from friends and family have slowed to a trickle. I have experienced the anxiety that comes from having to make decisions on my own, driving places alone, knowing I will be returning to an empty house, wondering what to do with his things, and so on. As for eating alone...well, it is awful. And I miss being touched so much. I have two daughters but they live in other states and have full lives. They have already told me I am being selfish because I don't want to give them any of his things. I just feel it is too soon. I don't even know if I can trust my own judgement. Is there anyone else besides me that dreads going out among other acquaintances because of not wanting others to see you when you are feeling sad? And I can identify so completely with the commenter who said the grief is actually a physical pain. I appreciate all who write because it helps me to feel like I am not alone.

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  39. Just found this site, I like it and all of you for sharing, everyone grievs differently and had multifaceted relationships with thier husbands, as did I. He suffered not only one but two massive strokes at a age 47! I quit work to care for him and he survived 15 months, but not after gobs of wasted effort to save him (and his right leg)... he was unable to walk or talk, so my grieving started at the onset, the deep sadness and loneliness, the fear, all those "nice people" that said they would help, oh and then the resentment for leaving me to deal with it all... so his physical death was more like a journey that was more of a relief... of course I loved him, 25 years worth of ups and downs, of course I miss him, but i am moving on, for me... and it is all OK, I keep his memory in my pocket, my real friends allow me to bring him out every now and again, the good, the bad and the indifferent... it takes a village, and I like this one. it has been a little over a year since the physical death, but for me it has been quite splendid, I have love in my life, God was merciful

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  40. I have just found your website, and I can't believe that everything I have read so far has either gone through my mind or come out of my mouth since I lost the love of my life on Nov. 17 2011... I didn't just love my husband, I am STILL in love with my husband after 30 years of a wonderful marraige and always will be. His loss will forever be with me.. the pain is physical, the tears unending and the hurt is depilitating. I too don't want to leave my house, because returning to it is so painful.. the silence, the emptiness, not being able to say "hi sweetheart I'm home", brings me to hysteria.. I know this is "NORMAL" but it doesn't lessen the pain and despair.

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  41. Sunglasses on cloudy days!The minute the kids walk out the door I start talking outloud to him...I listen to k-love radio .com and cry away the hours...helps alot! Talk shows fill up time as back ground noise. Springs coming and his cat will be happy to get out .He brushed her everyday and played with her...they would go get the mail together and watch tv in his favorite chair! I try to keep up her life style he created but its so painful in my minds eye...I see them together like a ghostly negative on film! God did show me an episode of" who loves raymond" and the wife went on a boat trip (without her husband) with one son and the other stayed home to care for Dad...the moral was"it would be alot easier for mom to carry on(dad should go first) than for Dad! Our kids would have gone nuts trying to care for their father with me gone!

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  42. Hello, I just found this site. I was looking for a site or group of widows like myself to communicate with. This is a wonderful outlet, please keep it up. I lost my husband on 5/11/11. It is getting close to year and I still feel the same way I did when Tony died. He had been ill since 2000 with kidney disease, but it was the COPD I think that really took him. I was not at the hospital when he passed. He had told the nurse that day that he did not want any life saving procedures measures if something happened. I knew he was getting tired of it all. I worked and took care of him the best I could, but sometimes the stress just wore me out. I think he just hung in as long as he could for me. I still replay everything in my head, and I am still get that sick feeling thinking about everything that happened during that first week and the loneliness. I do have 2 sons, but they have their own lives and wives. I talk to them about everything but my feelings. If I didn't have my job, I would not want to get out of bed each morning. I am 60 years old and wonder if the loneliness each day will ever get any better. One thing I have realized is people you see every day kind of forget what has happened to you. I try to keep up a pleasant attitude but I am crying inside. Sometimes I almost feel like some kind of pariah, like my being a widow will rub off on them. I understand people "don't know what to say", but it kind of hurts any way, doesn't it? It is almost like friends and family think you should be over it by now. Well, it is not that easy and we all learn this eventually. My husband always told me I would be okay and I am still here carrying on.I try to work through my feelings by focusing on my job, taking care of my home and my dog. It is hard to come home each day and have to unlock the door and turn on the lights. My husband always did these things when he knew I would be home from work soon. At least my dog is at home and happy to see me when I come home. What would I do without her?

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  43. Ditto to the post above on 3/3/2012. My husband passed away 5/29/11 I have the same experiences. Sundays are especially difficult as that was our time together to go to the movies, dinner, walks, etc. No one understands the feelings until they have been in this spot. My birthday is this week and this is tough!

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