I have been trying to write this entry for a long time. Intimacy is a tough subject to talk about. When Lane first died I thought about how much I missed his touch, holding his hand and kissing. All part of an intimate relationship. I quickly started to try and block out those feelings because they made me sad and so lonely.
Now 5 years later I can finally say out loud that I miss having sex (that wasn't easy to say) and all of the feelings that go with it. I miss looking into his eyes knowing that he is attracted to me. I miss the secrets and code words that we shared. And I definitely long for his embrace, good morning kiss and the way he touched the back of my neck before he fell asleep each night.
It's hard to talk about intimacy or the lack of intimacy with any one. It is embarrassing for a woman my age to say she misses having sex. Who wants to hear that? But I imagine a lot of you feel like I do.
We might learn how to use a power drill or accept the fact that we are solely responsible for our financial future. But how do we accept that fact that we most likely will never be intimate with any one ever again?
Of course I am talking about a lot more than just having sex. I am talking about true intimacy which I am sure that many of you shared with your late husbands like I did with mine.
I worry that my lack of intimacy has made me a colder person over all.
Do you miss the intimacy?