Saturday night I had dinner with an elderly friend whose husband died in January. Marie is struggling to decide if she should sell her home and move into a retirement community or stay where she is. Marie seemed very anxious to make this decision.
When she casually asked me for advice I said "What's the rush? Why do you have to decide right away?" My response surprised me because I am not a procrastinator by nature. I have always been quick to make a decision and then follow up with a course of action. Since Lane died I'm in no rush to make decisions that I feel are difficult or impact other people.
It's funny. If we knew that Lane was going to die so young we would have been in a rush to do a lot of things. Rent that villa for a summer in the south of France, save more money, take Fridays off, learn how to scuba dive, take a cooking class were all on our to do list. If I knew what was going to happen so suddenly I would have been in a rush to spend more time together relaxing rather than working. Now, I am in no rush to make changes or as a matter of fact do much of anything.
What are you in a rush to do? And, why?
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Only words
Every generation has its own language. Expressions that everyone says. "Far out" worked so well in the 60's. "Narly and rad" belonged to my teens in the '80's. And "awesome" is my grandsons way of saying the same thing -- cool.
Widowhood is subjected to a language of its own as well.
"She lost her husband." A common description of a widow. Well, he's not a missing sock that will eventually show up. He isn't lost. He's dead.
"At least he didn't suffer." While I am happy Lane wasn't sick or in pain before he died, when people say this to me I get really ticked off. It sounds like an excuse for dying before your time. At least if he were sick and in pain his death might have made some cosmic sense to me.
"Life is for the living" although truthful not always doable. Because your life changes so radically when your husband dies it is extremely difficult to commit to living a fulfilling life again. Most of us want to. We just don't know how.
"Til death do us part." I never really thought about this phrase until Lane died. Parting is not as easy as these words imply. Even though our husbands are physically gone the emotional connection doesn't "part" that simply.
OMG. From your widow's point of view, any words or phrases you find annoying? LOL.
Sue
Widowhood is subjected to a language of its own as well.
"She lost her husband." A common description of a widow. Well, he's not a missing sock that will eventually show up. He isn't lost. He's dead.
"At least he didn't suffer." While I am happy Lane wasn't sick or in pain before he died, when people say this to me I get really ticked off. It sounds like an excuse for dying before your time. At least if he were sick and in pain his death might have made some cosmic sense to me.
"Life is for the living" although truthful not always doable. Because your life changes so radically when your husband dies it is extremely difficult to commit to living a fulfilling life again. Most of us want to. We just don't know how.
"Til death do us part." I never really thought about this phrase until Lane died. Parting is not as easy as these words imply. Even though our husbands are physically gone the emotional connection doesn't "part" that simply.
OMG. From your widow's point of view, any words or phrases you find annoying? LOL.
Sue
Monday, July 11, 2011
Socializing
When your husband dies your whole social life takes a huge turn. No longer do you have a partner in crime or a guaranteed Saturday night date. All of a sudden you have to begin manufacturing a social life. And frankly, I view socializing as a lot of work.
When Lane died other widows told me that I should accept every invitation and push myself out of the house as often as possible. Well, I didn't get that many invitations so I was pretty safe entrenched in my own home. Family members told me to "make new friends" which I interpreted as code for spend time with other women like you, women without husbands. Not being much of a girls' girl I could only handle this type of socializing on a limited basis.
Of course some people told me to "find a man." Many widows have a great time dating. They seem to get fixed up or go online with ease and confidence. Not me. I have had a couple of nice dates but I am just not willing or able to put myself out there. Too weird.
Is it so bad to enjoy one's own company? I guess maybe that's my problem. Too often I am just as content staying home alone than I am trying to find someone to do something with. Or maybe I am afraid to really try and have a social life that requires me to go it alone without my wing man.
How are you doing with your social life?
When Lane died other widows told me that I should accept every invitation and push myself out of the house as often as possible. Well, I didn't get that many invitations so I was pretty safe entrenched in my own home. Family members told me to "make new friends" which I interpreted as code for spend time with other women like you, women without husbands. Not being much of a girls' girl I could only handle this type of socializing on a limited basis.
Of course some people told me to "find a man." Many widows have a great time dating. They seem to get fixed up or go online with ease and confidence. Not me. I have had a couple of nice dates but I am just not willing or able to put myself out there. Too weird.
Is it so bad to enjoy one's own company? I guess maybe that's my problem. Too often I am just as content staying home alone than I am trying to find someone to do something with. Or maybe I am afraid to really try and have a social life that requires me to go it alone without my wing man.
How are you doing with your social life?
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