Sweet memory

It's Monday morning.  I remember when Lane and I were first dating how much I looked forward to Monday morning.

Lane always picked me up and gave me a ride to work.  We usually rode silently each thinking about what had to be accomplished that day.  He would drop me off in front of my building and with a quick kiss and a see you later I was off.

But Monday mornings were special.  He would get to my apartment really early.  We would have coffee and chat.  Just getting to know each conversation at first.  Then we started making plans for our life together.  We would laugh and kid around.  It was a great way to start the work week.

We tried to keep that ritual after we got married. Eventually last minute homework, pressure at work and life in general won out.

Now I struggle to drag myself out of bed on Monday morning.  Sometimes I just lie there thinking about those Mondays long ago.  It is a sweet memory and one I will cherish forever.

Do you have a sweet memory you want to share?

What widows want

I have been asked to write an article focusing on "What Widows Want."  As you can tell from this blog I am no writer but I want to do this because I think it is important.

However, all I can think of today is what widows don't want.

-   We don't want to be ignored by friends and family because we are longer part of a couple. 

-   We don't want our husbands to be forgotten. Talking about them makes us feel  good not sad.

-    We don't want mechanics, construction companies or car  dealers to try and take advantage of us. Just because we don't have a man around does not make us easy prey.

-   We don't want our kids to feel that they have to take care of us. Being supportive is greatly appreciated but we recognize the fact that they have their  own lives to lead.

-   We don't want "well-meaning" people telling us what to do.  We want to make our own decisions based on what we want to do and not what others think we should do.

-   We don't want to feel so alone and lost but we do.

Please help me.  Let me know what you want and want you don't want.  I appreciate it.

Sue

Setting goals

This week I thought a good idea for "moving on" would be to set some goals.  Unfortunately my goals sounded like New Year's Resolutions.  You know, lose weight, get a new hobby, keep in touch with old friends, etc.  I really don't think any of these things would actually help me find my next stage in life.

I remember right after Lane died my goals were simple:  get out of bed everyday, take care of the necessary paperwork and try and make it to the next day.  If I achieved any of these goals I was doing well.

After the first year my goals were a little more lofty.  Grow the business, do something nice for yourself every week and stop crying everyday.  I managed to meet these goals in some way or another.

In the past couple of years my personal goals were just that.  Run a 5K, get out my paints again, take a vacation, stuff like that.

Now I feel that I really need to set some life goals.  The problem is I don't know what those goals should be.  Lane and I had goals and a plan to reach them.  We knew what we wanted to see and experience as we grew older.  We knew where we wanted our lives to go.  My goals died when Lane died.  And now I am struggling to find some new goals that are mine and mine alone.

Do you have goals?

What I need

I don't consider myself a needy person.  I have always been independent and capable of taking care of myself.  I think these traits have served me well since Lane died.  I manage to do what has to be done and have put together some semblance of a new life.

Lately, however,  I have been feeling a little needy.  This is my "need list" as of today anyway.

-   I need to laugh more.
-   I need a vacation.
-   I need a hug.
-   I need to feel real joy again.
-   I need positive reinforcement.
-   I need to know where I am going.

I guess most of my needs are pretty common ones.  It's funny.  I never thought I needed much when Lane was alive.  I laughed a lot, went on some great vacations, got lots of hug every day and loads of positive reinforcement.  I had direction, a plan for my future.

No wonder I felt joy and now it's hard to come by.

What do you need?

What makes you happy?

I have always been a happy person.  Never had real reasons not to be happy.  I had a fun childhood, nice family, did pretty well in school.  I was lucky enough to enjoy great happiness as an adult.  A wonderful marriage, good kids, successful career. I have been blessed with a happy life.

But now without Lane there is a huge void of happiness in my life.  I wouldn't say I am unhappy but I can't say I am happy.  You know what I mean?  In my old life I took happiness for granted. And now, I don't know what does or would make me really happy.  Some days I just go through the motions.  I don't feel much of anything, let alone happy.

My Mom always said that happiness comes from within.  She believed that someone else can't make you happy.  You have to bring happiness to yourself.  So here I am trying to figure out all of the things that could make me happier than I feel most days.  I guess I will have to dig deep to figure how to be truly happy again.  I think it is going to be a tough challenge.

Are you happy?