I miss Lane's voice. It wasn't particularly deep or impressive. It was just his voice.
I think the sound of his voice was reassuring to me. It reflected his personality -- engaging, fun, lighthearted. It was also calming and reinforcing. Lane spoke with conviction and authority so his voice made me feel safe and secure.
Of course I miss his pet expressions, like "Good dinner, Pie" or "It's one day. Just get through it." But I also miss the sound of his voice. Its warmth and sincerity.
I guess it sounds silly. I just don't want to forget the sound of his voice. In reality, as time go by its not as clear as it was. I can remember what he said but I am having a harder time hearing his voice in my mind. I guess it's time to go to the old home movies and tapes and listen to his voice. I have hesitated getting on that emotional rollercoaster but hearing his voice again might make it worth it.
Did I tell you that to me his voice was kind of sexy?
Sue
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I lost my husband Oct. 2010, however this past weekend was the last weekend he spent in our home. On Sept. 20, 2010 I took him to the hospital and he never came home again. He died in hospice care on Oct 6. I miss hearing his voice also. I also have some video tapes that I could get out if I just had the energy to do so. I miss more than his voice though. I miss him sitting in his chair and telling me how much he loved me. I miss going to all the places we loved to go to and always holding hands no matter where we were. He got sick just as he was retiring so we never had our retirement as we had planned. I miss that for him more than myself because that is all he wanted to do after years of working hard he wanted to retire with me and do all the things we had not been able to do. This week so far has been very hard for me. I don't know what the next couple of weeks will be like or what Oct 6th will be like. I want him here with me so badly. I can't seem to get anyone to understand how I feel. They just go on with their lives and I am here alone wanting more than anything to have a conversation with my husband. We use to talk about everything. I miss him so much. I don't know what I am going to do. I feel so lost. I don't understand why he isn't with me. He was always so healthy that his diagnosis was a horrible shock. I am so sad. Thank you Sue for having this blog. It is about the only place I feel free enough to put my feelings out there. I only wish there was a group that I could meet with to help me.
ReplyDeleteWow, another topic I can really relate to. My husband's voice was impressive. He was not a very talkative person but when he spoke, it got your attention. Our friends and co-workers often commented on his voice. And of course, I loved it as it got better with age (met him in high school). For three years now, I have missed the sound of those special words he had for me as well as general everyday conversations. I hope the sound of his voice never fades from my memory. Unfortunately, I have no past recordings to listen to but maybe that's a good thing! However, my heart will always have a joyful recollection of how special it made me feel. He was also musically inclined and his voice was very melodic. Can you tell how spellbound I used to be?! Thanks Sue for reminding me.
ReplyDeleteI also miss my husband's voice and just seeing him on the couch. He was a hard working man as well as an awesome musician. I listen to his music all the time (keyboard player) I have a cd of a song he recorded entitled Let Me Write You a Love Song where he sings and plays his keyboards. It is so sweet & romantic. I wonder if ever I will be able to go forward with my life or be forever heartbroken because I know he was my true forever love. We were married 30 years.
ReplyDeleteI came upon your blog accidently and I'm glad I did. My husband died Nov. 23 2010. It will soon be a year. We were married 54 years. He was sick for 18 years and bedfast for the last year of his life. I was his only caregiver except Hospise came to our home the last six months. Some days I thought I would die befoe him. What I can remember about his voice is that he called my name constantly. I would go everytime to see what he wanted and lots of times he would say, "I just wondered where you were." Even after he died, for about six weeks, I heard him call my name eight times. I would be in a sound sleep and it would startle me awake. It was like him being in the room with me. I haven't heard it for a while now.. I miss it. Things just aren't right without him.
ReplyDeleteI too came across your blog accidentally. feeling low,as the anniversary of my Wife's passing was just this past weekend. I'm trying hard to rebuild my life. we had good closure, as She died in hospice in our home and talked a lot about what Her wishes were for me. She was quite adamant that i not spend the rest of my life alone, and go on loving..."you're at your best when you are in love, don't deprive yourself of that" were Her words. I've done my best to honor her wishes. I spent 17 months in celibacy, and began by dating one woman. we hit it off well and are living together, but it's just not the same. I'm in love with the memory of my Wife, as well as loving my girlfriend. I'd like to remarry...what better way to reinforce that my marriage was a success? I do however still and will always miss my sweet Wife. She was only 40 when cancer took Her, and was the bravest, most noble person I've ever met. Some things I wish i did differently: I wish i'd held Her more, listened more,been less busy, and i wish i had known her better. We were together for 17 years, and I wish I had done those things for all of those years,not just the year between Her diagnosis and Her death. I will always feel like a widower...it's part of who I am. but I am trying to be a loving widower with a new life, love, and memories. it's all I can do
ReplyDeleteHey Sue,
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you pick this to talk about this week. I was just thinking the very same thing just how much I miss Robbie's voice. I know lots of time there was not clean words coming out his mouth but thats ok I would pay anything to hear him say them to me again. I too have videos from the racing days and the words on there are not clean at all. I feel like I go one step forward and ten steps back. My heart hurts so badly I just can't stand being here with out him. My daughter used to tell me all the time I just can't see you and Dad with anyone else you belong together. I just can't see myself without him and here I seat in the livingroom with out him. I don't know if anyone else has had their husband come to them in their dreams it has only happen to me once. I was working my second job and just praying and begging for Robbie to hold me one more time and tell me he still loves me and that night my dream was all over the place but in the middle of it I was being held by Robbie and he told me he still loves me so I guess that is the last time I heard his voice. Boy I have to say this new world us ladies are in really sucks (sorry only word that fits)
Thanks again Sue great place to get the feelings out because so many people just don't get it what we are going through.
Oh I miss my husband's voice. The way he'd always say "how you doin'?" when he answered the phone. Other expressions. He called the dog Jessie-Hessie, U would complain about people not having enough sense god gave a goose. How he would always tell me how much he loved me. Yes I miss his voice.
ReplyDeleteHis voice - the booming laughter in a large crowd was so distingtive. I miss it and the happy eyes that went with it. My husband died 22 months ago on Saturday, suddently with out warning at 51. I had to call our cottage once and was shocked to hear his voice on the answering machine. I recorded it on my Blackberry and I often play it just to hear his voice, makes me feel he's not that far away. Although i am just not begining to realize this is it, he is gone. I too have a lot of video tapes that I have in a box that I need to get transfered for my daughters - I haven't had the courage yet. Another step, for another time - not yet
ReplyDeleteThank you for this space to vent and share and remember without question or pity - just understanding. SLG
I have been keeping a journal since my beloved Paul passed away 2 months ago. Just this week I wrote how I missed his voice. That caring, reassuring tone which made me feel secure & loved. I have been listining to his voice mail recording, I need to record it. I have videos also but I'm not ready to see those yet. His birthday would have been this coming Sunday, 25th, & I need to keep his voice fresh in my mind.
ReplyDeletei miss my husbands voice everyday but the most is everytime i had to work at 5;30 am,waking me up,and saying goodmorning.!he has a deep and nice voice.when i feel that i want to give up, i open my iphone or laptop to play the clips that i made just to hear and get trough for other day atleast.my husband is gone for almost 4 months now and i have fear all the time,before just hearing his voice all my worries is gone.but one thing that i cant explain,when my husband passedaway in st.paul when i took his blackberry he recorded some of his breathing,or sound like he has to phone somebody, seems he is strugling to breath ,hearing those sounds is so painfull,but i keep listening on it.i dont know why,but makes me soo close to him.writing here Sue and and letting it out whats inside me is a big help,being widow at 32 is soo hard for me,i wish i was independent,i wish i spend time more time for husband ,than working soo much. i cant stop blaming my self , seems can hear my husband voice seeing ,asked for a week or 2 weeks off so that we can go hunting..never happen and i cant forgive my self until now.
ReplyDelete19 days ago, I watched with tearfilled eyes not knowing what to do as my husband lie helplessly hooked to machines that were breathing for him. I was faced with the choice to keep him alive for selfish reasons, on life support and never to regain consciousness, or to let him slip peacefully into the next place.
ReplyDeleteThe choice wasn't difficult, my husband was a strong and proud man, and to him every day in a hospital bed was a day wasted.
I miss everything about him, his hair in the sink, his boots by the door. He left me a great reminder of who he was, our 7 year old daughter who is as stubborn and proud as he ever was.
He was 44 when cancer in his brain took his life. I am 34. We had no idea when we planned this life together that forever would be so short. Every night, I hear every noise in my apartment and am scared to death of being alone. I sleep with the hall light on... I know, I am a "chicken".
My family tells me I will learn to live, learn to love again. Me, I hope I can simply learn not to need the hall light.
I stumbled upon this blog while researching hearing the voice of a deceased spouse. 72 hrs ago I had a dream of my husband telling me goodbye and he loved me. My husband died august 28 2009 of a massive heart attack. it also was my 38th birthday. I have struggled day to day trying to move on as well. He had a heart problem from the age of 39. He died at 47. He made his wishes known to me in voice and in his farewell letter he wrote a couple years before he passed. His voice continues to come in my dreams. Such a soft spoken voice. I never heard him yell in the 8 years we were together. He had a way about him. I just passed the two year anniversary of losing him. I feel like my emotions are bringing him to life within my mind because of the time of year.
ReplyDeleteMy husband died in April 2010. Some days are better, some days are worse. Today was a bad day. I feel so alone. I hate alone. Don't ya'll ever wonder, what's next? I feel like I'm just treading water. Sometimes, I just want to give it up and just go under. Other times, I think, "I can do this!" I did finally start a blog, but haven't invited anyone to it so I'm going to take a huge leap here today and post the link to it. I'd love to have some blog friends to talk to. The link is http://www.lad-widows.blogspot.com and is entitled Life After Death and I'm NOT talking Biblically. I've only posted 9 entries so far. This is so new to me. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHello everyone,
ReplyDeleteI am trying to find my mom a support group. My mom is 64 and is a widow. My dad passed away November 19, 2010. He played a very big part in our lives. My mom is having an extremely hard time dealing with the loss. I thought maybe someone knew of a support group I could take her to and hopefully she would be able to make new friends. My mom and dad drove truck together for years. They were always together. My mom was my dad's main caretaker. My sister and I would help as much as possible. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2008. In September 2010 the cancer had spread to his brain and we lost him 11/19/10. My mom is not a computer person. We live in Milwaukie, Oregon. Please help.
Lost & Worried daughter
Jan 29 will be three years since Jerry died of a massive heart attack in the middle of the night.
ReplyDeleteI found a tape not to long ago of my husband talking in a meeting. I sat and listened to him. Only days before I had said aloud, "God, if I could just hear his voice again. I just want to hear him again." I found the tape looking for something else and didn't know what it was. When I read the label I thought is was something to do with his military service. It was. It was his disability hearing and he was giving his testimony.
Of course, the next week I was a total basket case. Be careful what you wish for.
For the daughter worried about her mom, I found that there are very few actual support groups. Usually these are connected to churches. If she has a church, speak to her pastor or the pastor's wife.Call around and see if there are other churches who have support groups. Get her involved with some kind of group that isn't a support group. Being with peers is about the best support you can get. Sadly, it is too common for those we are familiar with to disappear after the funeral and leave us alone. I live 12 hrs from any family but my two sons and one sister. I am a homebody and do not have a large social group. So, I had to find ways to get out of the dark. Find your mom some kind of weekly meeting to get her out of the house in into a lighter atmosphere where people will actually talk to her. Some cities have senior groups that take day trips. Be advised, she will find this absolutely horrible. HE won't be there with her to enjoy it. But she has to do it. After three years it is still hard for me to say, "This is my life." It isn't. But if I shut the doors and pull the blinds, I'll be in my own personal grave.
I posted here 2 weeks ago regarding the third anniversary of my Wife's passing. Monday would have been our 18th Wedding Anniversary. I have Kodak clear memories of that day. How beautiful She was. I had to move far from our house to avoid the grief triggers...3000 miles away is still not far enough. Trying now to find a family member to leave a bouquet on Her resting place. "I won't forget to put roses on Her grave".
ReplyDeleteIt's so odd (I refuse to say unfair, as who can in this crazy world remark on what is fair and what isn't) but odd that I've known men who absolutely can't stand their wife. Why, when i love mine so much, did She have to pass away so young? Forever is short, as an earlier post stated. All we can do is honor our loved ones who have departed. What other options are there? Remember...honor... respect...it's the best we can do. Here's a saying a Quaker friend of mine told me "Life is the process of bringing things forward".
For the widowed,that field is wide open...
Peace to all, and especially to all who suffer through this agony.
To Lost and Worried Daughter,
ReplyDeleteOur local hospital has a free bereavement group that meets one night a week for 8 weeks. I just signed up and am waiting for my first meeting. The folks I have talked with on the phone about it have been nice. You may want to check with your local hospital to see if they offer anything like this. You are a sweet daughter.