When Lane died I often got asked the question "how are you doing?" Not "how are you?" but "how are you doing?" To me, "how are you doing?" was inquiring about my mental state whereas "how are you? would be referring to my health and well being.
When you first lose your husband your mental state is definitely compromised. Most of us have see sawed from sad to unstable and back again. I think this state of mind lasts a minimum of a year. During this time period you really can't tell people how you feel. It would only frighten them and push some away.
So my usual reply was "I'm hanging in there" or "I'm doing the best I can." Friends and family were willing and able to accept these answers. It made them feel better even if I didn't.
As time progressed and I progressed I would answer "how are you doing?" with one word replies such as "better" or "fine." People would smile and think I felt a lot better than I did but that was okay with me.
Now that Lane has been gone for 5 years I rarely get asked "how are you doing?" The assumption is I have adjusted to my new life and moved on. Of course that is not 100% accurate. I have gotten used to life as it is now and I don't know if I ever will be able to completely move on.
So "how am I doing?" I'm okay. Let's leave it at that.
How are you doing?
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I hate that questions too....I always say, well, lets see on a Widows Scale, I'm a 4 today. Love to watch their faces!!!! It's so weird to me to think they think we actually are "Over It" I'm adjusting to my life too, don't feel I will ever be able to completely move on either....
ReplyDeleteHow am I doing? Hmmm...good question Sue. When people ask they don't really want to know. They expect a one word answer so they can quickly move on with their day. So I give them a one word answer, "fine" and like you said, that makes them feel good. This grief thing is a very individual journey that takes place in each of our minds. We are alone in this and are forced to learn to travel on a path that none of us expected. It is a roller coaster of emotions and it is all we can do in the early days to just stay on the track. It will be three years next month that I lost my dear Denny. I have had to MAKE myself put one foot in front of the other in all areas of my life. Like you, I don't know that I will ever be able to completely move on but I do want to. I will always lovingly cherish my wonderful 40 year marriage to Denny. We were very happy & I miss him dearly. I am only 63 so I do want to move on to a new chapter in my life and be joyful again. I am hopeful and will continue to MAKE myself (whether I FEEL like it or not) be thankful and move toward happiness...so I'm okay... soon to be better.
ReplyDeleteI am with all of you on this one...I hate that question. In my experience it tends to be asked absentmindedly or automatically in passing and it makes me want to scream! There is a woman where I work that asks that same question everytime she passes me throughout the day and she never really stops for an answer. What she does not realize is that I may have been doing just fine until she walks by and inevitably asks how I am doing. The simple question of asking someone how they are doing, has the power to be supportive (if asked by the right person at the right time) or to throw the cold water of reality in your face. I go to work to get away from my thoughts and sadness......I dread seeing her come down the hall. Do me a favour, don`t ask unless you really want to know! Sue.
ReplyDeleteAs sad as I feel, my mind has already turned to looking for another companion. My husband has been gone just nine months. Our last year of our 32 years was not the best, so I keep thinking that has made the separation easier. I was loyal and devoted, but I had to become somewhat detached due his alcohol abuse. He was always kind to me and functioned business-wise, but his drinking had definitely taken him away from me. Of course I always had hope things would be better after his surgery. He did not recover though. I am not feeling guilty, but I am afraid I am starting too soon. I guess I will find out when I have a first date. I love my independence, but I really miss being a couple. I am 56 and my husband was 60. I do look at it as a new chapter. I dropped my wedding ring off at the jeweler to be sized for my right hand. I ended up crying. One minute thinking of dating, next minute crying.
ReplyDeleteMy husband died almost four months ago, when anyone asks me "how are you?" I find myself going into an anxiety attack. I don't know what to do or say. I tear up, we were together 51 years, we were playmates when I was 3 yrs old, began dating at 16. Nothing I could say to that would even begin to cover it.
ReplyDeleteI just love that comment, "Well, on a Widow's Scale, I'm a 4 today." Too funny! I'm going to use that one. I too want to see their faces... I too get the "how are you doing?" all the time. I always just say good, it's getting easier, time is helping or better days ahead. I do think everyone is very sincere with that question, because they love me or my husband. I went to dinner the other night with 2 of my best friends and their husbands. Now I know what that saying the 5th wheel means. We got to keep our sense of humors going. Keep smiling my new friends... Trish
ReplyDeleteTo anonymous about dating: Do what feels right to you. Grief is an individual and personal journey. My husband has been gone 20 months. I too felt distanced from my husband because I had already been grieving for him as he was ill most of the last year he was alive and I was his caregiver. I have moved through the stages of grief pretty quickly. Several months ago, someone from my past, who I had dated when I was a teen contacted me on facebook. We re-connected and have had quite a fast moving relationship. I am joyful & happy again! My problem is with one of my children and grandchildren accepting my new relationship. They feel I have re-placed their step-father and grandfather with the "new man". I am almost 62 years old, have buried two husbands, one when I was only 32 and the other at 60. Life is short and unpredictable. I choose to live it to the fullest and find all the joy I can. I refuse to live it to please my children! My prayer is that they will come around and be happy to see me happy again. Any one else dealing with children accepting someone new in your life?
ReplyDeleteI lost my husband on May 18, 2011. He had metastasized melanoma and the liver failed from it. He was only 50 years old. He was truly a prince among men and my best friend.
ReplyDeleteI am the sum of saddness.
To Anonymous who recently lost her husband. I am SO sorry for your loss. When people were hard for me to be comforted by in those first days, I found books to be my friends. Some books that were very helpful to me are: "Let Me Grieve but not Forever" by Verdell Davis, "Healing After Loss" by Martha Whitmore Hickman, and "Getting to the Other Side of Grief" by Susan Zonnebelt and Robert DeVries. You will be ready to read books depending on where you are mentally. They can be very helpful when alone in your sadness. I also suggest that you find a grief support group. Hospices groups, churches and some communities have them available. Grief Share.org is on line and also has classes in many areas. I am very empathetic in your sadness and I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope these suggestions will help you in some small way...............it will get better......
ReplyDeletethank u... i have recently gotten info on grief counseling... i will go to that...
ReplyDeleteI will look for the suggested books at my library..bless u kiddo
How I'm doing is confused. My marriage wasn't the great experience a lot of the widows on here write about. The first few years were great. My husband, let's call him Dell, had his faults. But he was so sweet, it was easy to overlook his bad points.
ReplyDeleteOver 30 years Dell's sweetness faded and his bad points came out more. This was mostly at home, and mostly with me. Hardly anyone else ever saw this side of him. He was cranky and critical. He often hurt my feelings so bad. If I got praise from other people, he was quick with a nasty remark to bring me down. He made fun of people who gave me compliments, like they were so stupid, I shouldn't feel good when they liked me. He hardly ever talked to me except about chores that needed to be done.
I felt like he was trying to drive me away. I asked him several times if he wanted a divorce, but he swore he loved me and never wanted me to leave him. Anyway we couldn't afford a divorce. Also sometimes he was still sweet, and then I would think I was making too much out of things that weren't that big of a deal. He was a good man in a lot of ways, and everybody else we knew, except for a couple of my closest girlfriends,thought he was one of the greatest guys they knew.
Finally the kids were grown and we were making a little more money and I was fed up. If I was going to be lonely and feel like I failed in my marriage, at least I could do it without all his criticism and nasty remarks. I made up my mind. I had some plans and arrangements to make, and then I would tell him it was over.
Only before I could tell him, we found out Dell had cancer. It happened very fast. I stayed to take care of him, and it was really hard. He was a bad patient, refused to take some of his meds and then had to go to the emergency room because he got so sick. I hardly got any sleep for 3 months because he needed so much care. And the sweet young man I married came out again. When he was well enough, he bought me flowers. When he felt bad, he said how much he loved me and how sorry he was to put me through all this trouble.
Then he was gone. I was worn out physically and emotionally. And I was so sad, I couldn't believe it. I cried and cried. Partly I cried because all the happiness I thought we were going to have at the beginning got lost along the way. Partly because of how much he suffered at the end. Nobody deserved that.
I went through a real bad time. I got so depressed I didn't do anything. I cried a lot. I didn't understand why I felt so bad over losing a marriage I didn't want to keep. Finally I started to come out of it. I'm beginning to see the good parts of my new life. I don't have to be afraid anything I do or say is going to bring me insults or sarcasm. I got to keep the house and everything else we worked so hard for, and I get his pension and insurance money. No fights over who gets what, with the lawyers getting half. No family and friends taking sides.
Now when people ask me how I'm doing, I have to think twice before I answer. To the people who still think Dell was Mr. Wonderful, I don't want to sound like I'm glad he's gone. They had a different relationship with him, and they wouldn't understand. In a lot of ways I'm relieved. As time goes on I think I'm going to enjoy the rest of my life a lot more without him.
Still, I do feel very sad sometimes, and sometimes I still cry, often over things that don't seem that important. It's like being bipolar. Happy to sad and back again, up and down. Am I the only widow to have such a crazy reaction?
I have been a widow for ten years and ten months; I've raised two daughters - they are now 20 and 22.
ReplyDeleteI never get asked how I am. No one cares. In fact my brother in law (that never talks to me or my kids) told my sister after I'd lost my husband, "she'll get over it after she goes thru the stages, in about a year". Well, to his surprise (if he ever asks), I have not 'gotten over it'.
I never dated in the early years. Too busy working, taking care of my children and cleaning...
Life is tough but being a widow is ever more difficult.
My best advice to all widowers is to love your kids and raise them the absolutely best you can because they will love you back.
TODAY IS FATHER'S DAY AND I AM SO DEPRESSED THAT i WANT TO JOIN HIM. i HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS BI-POLAR AND IT SEEMS THAT i AM MORE DOWN THAN i HAVE EVER BEEN. mY HUSBAND WAS A TOUGH MAN, MILITARY RETIRED, AND MY FRIEND IS THE SWEETEST MAN THAT i HAVE EVER KNOWN BUT HE CHANGES HIS MIND EVERY DAY AND I AM LOST , LIFE SEEMS SO HARD THAT I WISH THAT i WAS DEAD.i AM 71 ,WAS MARRIED 45YRS .pLEASE HELP!
ReplyDeleteTo most people who ask how I am doing, I just smile and say something like, "Fine," or "Getting better." I know it would make them uncomfortable to hear how I really am. Then they'd start avoiding me, and no one would talk to me. I don't want to be a total hermit, so I put on my brave face and pretend in front of most of the world.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is, some days are okay, some are terrible. Often it changes from hour to hour or minute to minute. It's not as bad as it was at first. Usually now I can keep from breaking down in tears without warning. I can hold it in long enough to get away and cry in private.
Last month was rough, the depression that followed John's memorial service came back. I think it was because of all the first-year anniversaries: my birthday, which was the day a year ago we learned John had cancer; his birthday, which was the day he went into the hospital last year for surgery; and our first Mother's Day without him. Our son brought me flowers and took me out to dinner, but it was a little strained. Now we've passed the first Father's Day without him. It's tough, watching the grown children deal with their feelings, as well as coping with my own. I hate this.
Still, I'm learning to get along. I managed to go through his closet. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of everything, but I did clear out a lot. But after 10 months I still find myself thinking I want to remember to tell John something, or how much he'll enjoy some bit of news about someone we know. Now when I catch myself and realize we'll never share those little moments again, I mostly feel sad and empty, but I don't so often break down completely. I guess this is what's known as adjusting.
I went out to a new casino last night and was having a great time, until the overhead speakers played the song that was my ringtone when my husband called my cellphone (Bubbaly). I instantly got sad and left. I picked up my broken heart and took the dogs to the lake for a swim this morning. Stay strong my new friends... Trish
ReplyDeleteLynn,
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone. The 3 year anniversary of my husband's death just happened. Every single day I have mixed emotions. See... he was my abuser. I miss him so much I can hardly stand it sometimes.. but at other times I just want to forget him forever. I have very mixed emotions much of the time. I am so very very sad for my little boy who doesn't have a daddy... but I'm so relieved that I don't always have to look over my shoulder. Our experiences may be different.. but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone!
To person asking for help--please reach out to someone around you. Some of the books mentioned here might help, also. Don't let a new person make your life more difficult right now. You don't need that--being alone would be better than that. Help is out there--don't feel desperate. It is very hard for anonymous people to help you if you are in trouble, but you are not alone. Good luck and God bless. DSF
ReplyDeletehey lynn, my husband died 1/12 yrs ago, you sound like me. i enjoy the peace and quiet. its nice.my marriage was not thr greatest either. hr died of cancer. i was abused mentally, and phisically. so im not hurt anymore. not everyones marriage is out of a storybook.
ReplyDeleteHi All, I just ran across your site and started reading some of your comments. I lost my husband on May 15, 2011 we would have been married 46 years in Dec. How do you get through this? I feel so lost and alone we have 3 grown children and 6 grandchildren. I feel so helpless i lost my soul mate my best friend.Father's Day was horrible i cryed all day , I have read books and i am trying to get in a grieving group some where.What is so horrible my husband had congestive heart failure and copd i found him dead in bed he had died in his sleep. I feel as though im in a bad night mare and i can't wake up.No one knows what you are going through unless they have walked in your shoes.Im sure all of you ladies know what i am taking about.Thank you and Godbless Gail
ReplyDeleteSix years later..........
ReplyDeleteMy life is still empty without the love of my life and my best friend.
I go through the motions of living while in fact I'm just existing.
I haven't felt real joy since he died..........
I smoke too much
I drink too much
I sleep too much.
I eat too much.
I exercise too little.
This is what I do have and I'm very grateful for.
A job as a makeup artist, which I love.
A nice place to live.
A car that still runs well even though it is 10 years old.
My health.
2 sons and 5 grandchildren.
A sister to do things with.
Many widowed girlfriends who are in the same boat.
A cat for company.
These are things I no longer have to worry about........
What other people think of me.
Climbing a career ladder.
Putting up with bull.... I don't want to put up with.
Hurrying home to fix dinner after a long day of work.
These are the things I worry about..........
How long will I be able to continue working?
Where will I live when I can no longer work?
How long is my car going to last before needing to be replaced?
What illness is going to take me down, will it be cancer? ( I dread that most of all)
Will I die alone or with loved ones around?
How will I be remembered by my loved ones?
I guess I've described in a nutshell how I'm doing.
To Beth and the anonymous person who wrote that not everyone's marriage is out of a storybook. I want to thank you both a lot. I feel less crazy now. I am doing resarch online and at the library. Dell was a mental abuser. A lot of what he did and said to me was maybe from insecurity. He always had to be the center of attention, he sure could never stand it when I got more attention or compliments than he did.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that hurts the most is how the sweet, loving side of him came out again while he was suffering from the cancer. It was still there buried under the meanness. I wish I could have had more of that part of him instead of the hard years. I feel like I was cheated out of years of happy memories I could have had.
All the people who still think he was such a wonderful guy don't know that he used to come home and say a lot of nasty things about them. He was all nice and friendly to their faces, always ready to help them out, just the best friend they could have, they thought. If they knew how he talked about them to me, they would hate him. But if I say any little criticism of him, they would think I am a selfish b***h who didn't deserve such a great husband. So I keep that bottled up inside.
Thank you for giving me a place where I can tell the truth.
wow you sound like me
ReplyDeleteI have been a widow now for 2 years and 5 months. My husband died very unexpectedly of a massive heart attack at 55. We were married since I was 18 years old. Sometimes I think I am ok and other times I know that I am not ok. I miss him so much. I have new grandchildren that will never know their grandpa. I am so lonely sometimes that I can hardly stand it. I want to be happy again too. I have thought about going out with another man, but where do you start. I am 56 years old now. There is a lot of guilt involved in dating again. I have 3 grown children and I don't know how they would react. I do believe they would want me to be happy again. I am hoping that if the right man comes along that I will know it and be ready. Time goes by doesn't it.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely HATE when they ask me How I'm doing?...everyone that calls or that I see asks the same thing and I just want to say, "Shattered". My husband died on May 6, 2011. He was ill for 4 weeks before he passed. 4 months ago I had a wonderful life. Living with my best friend and husband of 28 years. He was only 55. How can I be a widow at 54? It just doesn't make sense to me...we had our lives planned out and we were not done yet.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest part for me is finding out all the things he did around the house that are now my responsiblity. I just can't keep up. I can't believe how much there is to do with just one person taking care of things.
The lonely nights are the worst. I miss him so much. I just don't see this getting better anytime soon.
The only thing keeping me going is my two grown daughters. I have to be here for them. Father's Day was hell.
Finally a place where I can really answer, "How are you doing?" And the answer is, not very well.........
ReplyDeleteI've lost two husbands. My first husband died when we were both only 38. (On our 14th anniversary) I was so busy raising our three young boys (8, 10 and 12 years old), keeping the family business going and teaching full time that I don't remember much from that time in my life.
Four years later I remarried. I taught with my second husband and he treated me like a queen. He took so much pressure off of me and always made me feel special. He loved my three boys, and they loved him. My second husband had lost his dad at a young age, and as a result he understood what my kids had gone through. He was divorced and had three kids of his own. His wife had left him and their three kids to start a new life without them. So, we got married, built a new home and the eight of us moved in together. It was crazy and fun!
After 4 years of marriage he was diagnosed with cancer. Within 1 1/2 months, he entered the hospital for a bone marrow transplant. My 16 year old stayed with family friends and my other two boys went to college.
The next 5 months were a nightmare! He entered the hospital in September. My mother died in October. His oldest daughter was in a very serious car accident in December. (She had to stay in a wheelchair for several months.) My father died in January, and my second husband died in February. (While my husband was still in the hospital and they were making arrangement for hospice, his children came to be with him. Because of her injuries, his eldest daughter needed addition help from her mother (she is a nurse). During the day the kids were with their father in the hospital and at night they went back to the hotel and stayed with their mom. After three days, she was upset and said they were not paying enough attention to her and she left. There dad was days away from dying and she just left!!!!! The following day he went home on hospice. In addition to my husband, I also had my step-daughter to take care of. I don't know what I would have done without the help of my sister-in laws. They took time off work to help care for their brother and niece. What kind of mother leaves her children in that kind of situation!
It’s been 18 months since he died. Most days I can fool people into thinking I'm o.k. They just don't understand how alone I feel. They have no idea how difficult it is to go to school events or other activities by myself. I miss my husband so much. He was my best friend and we did everything together. This fall my youngest will be attending college. Within two years my house will go from eight to just one. I’m dreading the future.
Lynn- I too am having a hard time with the passing of my husband because we were seperated at the time of his death. Everyone hates me and so I too keep it all inside. I have my own health issues and the stress of trying to keep it all in is making me very unhappy. I am a different person, a changed person.
ReplyDeleteI lost my husband going on 8 months now & I know I will be bored without him for the rest of my life. If I won the million dollor lottery today & was given a chance to exchange it for my beloved husband George I would exchange that ticket for him in a split second. I love him forever! We were married for 28 years & lived together 2 years before we were married.
ReplyDeletesuzie q-
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say how deeply sorry I am about your losses. I fully understand. My beloved husband of 26 years (28 together) became ill at the same time as my elderly mom last fall. His was unexpected, cancer, terminal, out of nowhere, a rarer and aggressive cancer that destroyed his small intestines. My mom had lived with us for 14 years. Life was normal is not hectic and stressed as caregivers up until Oct. 2010. They never got to see each other again. She had to stay in a nursing home and it was too risky to take him there with his illness/chemo etc. He had major surgery in Oct. to save his life from bowel obstruction. 6 weeks recovery befor he could begin his chemo. Only 2 treatments. did nothing to help him.
Mom died just before Christmas. I was with her, he was home with an ex-hospice nurse. Got through Chirstmas best we could, he could not attend her funeral right after Xmas. Then he began in and out of ER and hospital as he rapidly detiorated. Last two weeks on hospice at home and died with me next to him in our bed. Waited till I fell asleep. It has all traumatized me. I adored them both, and they were my family. We were both only children, his folks gone many years.
Two couples who were long time friends alos going through bad cancer situtaions diagnosed just before him. My husbands was only 8 days feeling ill. We were totally unprepared for his crisis.
He would have gotten me through the grief of my mom. He died just 5 weeks after her and not quite 4 months from diagnosis. Feels just like a "sudden death" for me. No time to tell each other all we needed to. He withdrew in fear, pain and confusion.
I feel abandoned by God and the world. Life had lost all joy and meaning. He was my best friend, soul mate, sweet lover, travel and cooking buddy etc. Just 64, a young vibrant crazy fun artist that so many loved. He loved my mom and supported the decision to care for her last years of her life, then he dies at virtually the same time. Nothing makes sense to me and each day is a struggle to get through. Many days I don't care but love our kitties and have one friend in similar situation who lost her guy young and we are same age now, 54. They used to work together and were artist friends. She now deals with her frail 91 year old mom's care. We cling to each other to try to get through the nightmare our lives have become.
I miss him beyond words and only want to be reunited with him. I was so crazy about him I don't know how I will survive it all. Can't grieve my mom properly either. It is all exhausting and only those walking this road get it. My therapists and spiritaul advisor and friend who lost her partner and our kitties are my only solace. I would give up in a heartbeat otherwise.
Losing the love of your life is the most devastating thing in a life, let alone right on the heels of your mom (first love of your life). No siblings for me and DH, no kids. My world is over in every sense of the word. Trying to survive a day at time and take care of an overwhelming array of stuff and property etc.
We must all hang in there and give comfort and support to one another and take all we can in our daily life of support in any form. No other way to do it.
Thinking of everyone with love and prayers to get through the holiday weekend as best we can.
Details relating to the loss of my dear wife, Sally, are omitted here for reasons of self preservation. Cancer was the cause.
ReplyDeleteThe reality is devastating and as far as I can foresee, will be for the rest of my life. I found my dear mother-in-law dead in her chair at her home the day before my Sally's funeral. They say 's**t happens' - it did.
Two years has now passed with very little respite from the constant heartache. Please do not misunderstand me, I am not feeling sorry for myself... I feel sorry that the one person I would have given my life for, someone so intelligent, gentle, kind and selfless is no longer here. I am thankful for the time we shared together, I miss my Sally terribly. I miss her mum also as we shared a very special friendship.
How am I doing? - Each day is a struggle. Others have now become accustomed to the fact; it seems that for me, my loss always occurred just yesterday. I have wondered if it might have been better to have been the victim rather than the survivor who has to bear the loss? Who though could wish that on anyone?
How am I doing? - I am running away from myself; scared to stand still with nothing to do in case I cry yet again. The house is clean as a new pin, the only washing/ironing I have are the clothes in which I am standing, the garden is tidy and the moss is cleaned off the roof!. There's two bunches of fresh flowers adjacent to photos of my Sally, there has been since day one. I miss her.
How am I doing? - I am making some progress; I am positive, I am getting involved with new activities and have learned it is ok to cry.
I fear I am too sensitive but also grateful for being so. I appreciate that no matter how bad things are for me there's always someone else far worse off or in more pain. My personal thanks to those of you that have taken the time to respond with your messages.
How am I doing? - I am getting on with it, I am learning, I am inspired by the strength of others and wish you all peace and happiness.
J
Sue,
ReplyDeleteI did not realise this was for widows only until I posted my reply to you,
I hope you don't mind though as a broken heart is the similar for men as well as for women perhaps?
God bless,
J
J,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted. Losing someone you love is difficult no matter if you're a male or female. It's lonely either way.
SuzieQ
I lost my husband almost 4 years ago. When he died I felt like the family of the pharaoh who were sentenced to be entombed live with the pharaoh's corpse. The floor was pulled out from under me at that point, and only the grace of God has kept me in the air to this point. But, so far, no floor has materialized underneath me; I see only a vacuous black hole I am fated to fall into. Months after he died I ran out of the insurance money he left, and I could not pay the mortgage. I am on widows disability but that does not cover rent anywhere with 3 dogs. To date I have found nowhere to go, and due to my age and health, I instantly found I was 'invisible' to society. I live in my house in foreclosure but I am invisible to the neighbors here, to my family, as since my problems are overwhelming and unsolvable, people treat you like you don't exists, and hence, you become invisible. It is amazing to walk around in a store, a mall, and it is like you don't exist to anybody once you get to a certain age and look. Nothing good has replaced my husband, who was not a good man, by the way, as he liked to be mean because he said it made him feel good---yet, I genuinely fell in love with him, and my love held through the years, thick and thin, as I thought happened to everyone else, until I went through it and learned that for some, love is not enough. Any rate, it is very sad to be invisible with no hope. As noted in this post in other comments, often people want to find out you are doing better, really just to make them feel better around you. But if nothing gets better, and the deprivation only gets more accentuated, it is a permanent depression, for a damn good reason.
ReplyDeleteI think the truth is that we are not invisible. We just make people uncomfortable when we don't say we're fine. I think we remind them how fragile life is, and it's easier for them to pretend they don't see.
ReplyDelete