Trading Places

Why him and not me?  What would his life be like if I would have died?  Over the past 3 years I have tried to envision Lane's life as a widower.  I think he would have done many of the same things I have done as a widow.  Stayed in the house. Kept in close contact with the kids.  Continued working.  Spend a lot of time alone.

On the other hand, I don't think Lane would have gone to grief counseling, taken vacations with friends or had the upstairs bathroom remodeled.  I know for sure he never would have shared his feelings in a blog.

Would he miss me as much as I miss him?  Yes he would have.  But like me, I think he would have survived. Life would never be the same or close to it but he would have gotten up every day and tried to go on.  What choice would he have?

Lane always said if I died first he would get 2 cats to keep him company. I thought it was a good idea.  From my point of view an excellent alternative to match.com.

What would your husband's life be like if you had traded places?

More things we miss now that our husbands are gone.

I received many comments on this subject.  It is an easy subject for widows to relate to. I miss Lane more than I can ever express in words.  He was my rock, my inspiration and my cheerleader.  

Here is my first pass on what I miss most now that my husband is gone.

-  A goodnight kiss
-  Homemade Swedish pancakes on Sunday morning
-  The feel of his hand on the back of my neck
-  His scrambled eggs
-  Listening to Click & Clack on public radio
-  Riding our bikes
-  His snoring
-  Going to the gym together
-  His blue eyes
-  Laughing so hard it hurts
-  Watching football on TV
-  Working side by side in the office
-  Having a best friend
-  Celebrating Valentine's Day

What is on your list?

Blind date

A few years after Lane died a good friend wanted to fix me up on a blind date.  Honestly, the idea of going out on a date freaked me out.  What to wear?  What to talk about?  Do I pay for myself?   

The description of Bob sounded hopeful.  Lawyer, no kids, widower and lived close by in the suburbs.  On the phone he was outgoing, funny and sounded confident that we would have fun. So I said yes to dinner on Saturday.

Well Saturday came and I was nervous.  I kept telling myself that it was no big deal. I deserved to have some fun for a change.  Then the doorbell rang. When I opened the door all I saw was an old guy standing there. Bob, the lawyer, the widower, the suburbanite was overshadowed by Bob, the old man.  In reality he was only a couple years older than me.  He was nice looking and neatly dressed.  But in my eyes all I could see was old.

Then I caught my own reflection in the window and thought poor Bob, his date is an old woman. 


Anyway we had a nice evening.  We had a couple of dates after that but I never got passed that initial reaction.

When I look at family pictures I can clearly see how Lane and I aged over the years.  Maybe because we went through the aging process together we never really noticed each other changing.  I guess seeing Bob at my door was a jolt of reality I don't want to confront.  I am no longer growing old gracefully with my husband.  I'm just growing old.

Any thoughts?