It doesn't matter if it's good or bad when something big happens not having Lane here makes me mad.
When our third grandson was born it was bittersweet without Lane.
When our daughter was in the hospital she needed him.
When our son got a big promotion at work and couldn't share his success with his Dad he was disappointed.
When my mother died it was difficult without his support.
When our nephew Joe was the MVP of his baseball team he wanted Uncle Lane to be there cheering him on.
And the list goes on. I get mad that he isn't here to share the happiness and the sorrow. I get mad and feel sad because I miss him most of all when something big happens and he isn't a part of it.
How do you cope with important events without your husband?
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We had our son's highschool graduation at the end of June, nine months after his dad passed away suddenly and it was the hardest thing I have done since saying good bye to my husband at the funeral home. We were surrounded by friends and family and yet I never felt more alone. I sure hope I don't feel the same way at our son's wedding or when the grandchildren come.
ReplyDeleteI"m so mad that Richie not here with me, he was always the strong one that could get us though anything . Today is my daughter last chemo treatment not sure how I feel about it . Richie would know how to handle it . I very very anger it not fair that he gone. I have not had a good night sleep since he die. I don't want to take pills to get me though it.I still think I'm going to wake up and this is going to all be a very bad dream and he will be here.Oh God please let it be that way.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't have to be a big occassion for me to miss David. When my son's girlfriend and her two small children come over and we play games and ride 4-wheelers I can just see him smiling and laughing and picking at them. He would have been the one riding them around instead of me. He would have been teaching them to ride their bikes and tie their shoes, etc. He was so good with that sort of thing when our kids were growing up. Even going to church, where he was a deacon (along with my daddy who passed away over a year ago) so I don't even feel I belong there anymore.
ReplyDeleteI went to the bank and cried, the library and cried. I went to the cemetery and did not cry. Why??? It is so hard to tell people that he has passed. I miss his strength, his love, his presence.
ReplyDeleteMost days are just a daze. One days rolls into the next. It's been 10 months and I still cannot believe what happened. It was to short of a time to really say good-bye. Just 5 weeks from diagnosis to death.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous (7/28) I do the same thing...I cry when I blow dry my hair, at the bank, driving down the road but when I go to the cemetery...no tears. What's up with that?
ReplyDeleteI don't like weekends. I don't like waking up in the morning alone. I don't like that no one is going to walk in when I am taking a shower and tease me. I don't like coming home to a lonely house. I don't like not having him to talk to. I don't like my life without him in it and pray that it gets better. I feel my future is bleak and other widows I talk to just confirm this. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life and tired of living in the land of hope. I am only 54 and feel like my life is over. it has been 6 months today that my life suddenly and tragically turned from contented to heartbroken and lonely. I wish I could go back in time and recapture my old life.sm
ReplyDeleteThe journey I am on right now is what I describe it as a new world I'm living in, since my late husband passed away. He will always be with me close at heart. Everything I do, and every path I take has some kind of memory within that reminds me of our time together . This is where I said I want to give control of my life I'm living to God. To help me get stronger and ease the pain from the wound.My daughter said to me one day, Mom, want to go to the half price book store? We went there and on the front shelf when you enter was a book called It's you time. By Joel Osteen, this book has helped me. When I read your comment I felt like I was reading about me. I'm 53 and very lonely.
ReplyDeleteIt will soon be a year since my wonderful husband died, Aug. 11th, by this time I had hoped I'd be coping better, but I'm not. I still cry often, everything makes me think of him and our life together that is no more. I don't talk about how I'm feeling to anybody, since I know they can't possibly understand and know they are uncomfortable when I do.......Aug. is a horrible month...my mom died on the 9th, husband 11th, and just yesterday my "grand dog" a lovely huskie had to be euthanized.....so sad, just a lovely companion that I "dog sat" for daily..August can't be over soon enough for me..........I hope others are doing better than I am........Marie
ReplyDeleteIt has been a year and three months and 3 days since my 57-yo husband died suddenly. We would have been married 34 years. I was in shock for many months; cried constantly. Still cry, just not everyday. People, after first being there for you, suddenly call less. I have had dinner with two couples who are longtime friends, and the sixth empty chair is very hard to look at. They call occasionally, but not as much. All of my girlfriends are married, so they are not free on weekends. I hate weekends. My son and his wife live out of town, so it is usually me and the dogs. I am 56. I feel like this is what the rest of my life will be. I am not going to go to bars or online date. Thank goodness for Netflix. I have bought so many books, I read a lot to keep busy. The hardest is seeing couples on a beautiful summer evening going out. I live near a Great Lake and there are a lot of restaurants on the waterfront. We used to do that. Have not seen the lake since he died. Just feel lost.
ReplyDelete