Monday, May 31, 2010

Group grief counseling

About four months after Lane died I joined a support group. I didn't know what to expect.  As I entered the room that first night I saw ten women all looking like deer caught in headlights. All of us were nervous.

As we went around the table and introduced ourselves I wondered if this was what they do at AA meetings.  Anyway, some women cried when they talked about their husbands.  Others were mad at how they were being treated by family and friends. We found out that our counselor (who was in her late 60's) was book smart about grief but since she still had her husband (and parents) she really didn't relate to us all that well.

After a couple of meetings I began to really like these women.  We started having dinner before the session and talked about all of the practical issues (finances, kids, giving away his stuff, etc.) we were facing.  We began to rely on each other for support and comfort.  And sometimes just for fun.

Well after the 10 weeks of counseling was over some us continued to get together every month or so for dinner.  But life moves on and so did my support group.  Now I only keep in touch with a couple of the women and our dinners together are much less frequent.

Usually I don't give advice on this blog. But if you are having a difficult time I say join a widows' support group.  You will meet women who truly understand what you are going through.  No it's not a cure for loneliness but it helps to talk to others with the same "disease."

Any experiences with a support group you want to share?


  1. I went to 2 meetings. That's all I could bare. Living in a small town, there were only two other women there and they were widowed quite a bit longer then me and when I saw them and heared
    them I thought was going to slit my wrists right after the meetings. They were miserable, bitter and down right suicidal. No one could help them or tell them any differently. I stopped going immediately, before I could get any worse. Being there at the meetings was like being among the dead. I chose to live. I want to live. I miss my husband very, very much, but he would be absolutely discrased if he saw me at these meetings. I guess it just depends on who you run in to.

  2. I'm 24 my name is cameron I lost my wife and son 2 months ago and I want to die I ask for death everyday and night I get up for work eat work then I get home I don't sleep I cry or just hurt and beg for death like every other day I have no one I can truely talk to everyone treats me like I should be fine but I'm not I want to die if anyone can help us someone who already went through this I have no one who understands if you could email help please

  3. I lost my husband unexpectedly two months ago and am definitely in a state of just going through the motions..Have started back at doing volunteer work which I used to love but my concentration level is a minus right now as is my focus on things. I have some wonderful friends and family and have experienced the loss of both my parents and a younger brother but nothing compares to the loss of my best friend and partner..The mornings and nights are the most difficult..Haven't been able to get "rid" of any of his clothes,shoes etc. yet but know I will need to at some point in time..just don't know when..have been told I will "know" when the time comes but not sure that is the case..We had 21 years together which I am so happy for..but darn this is hard..

    1. I have been where you are. I lost my husband 2 years 9 months ago. We had 20 years together. Take your time. Grief is a journey;not a problem that can be fixed easily. You must travel through it. Everyone grieves differently. My best advice is to TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME! (GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD). YOU CANNOT DIE UNTIL IT IS YOUR TIME. KNOW THAT YOU ARE HERE FOR A PURPOSE.

    2. Hi. I was with my husband for 33 wonderful years. I still cry off and on daily when no-one sees me. I have been listening to funeral love songs and this is helping some since my husband had a very long illness for 7 long years. I wish there was a widow support group in my area. It would help so much to meet with others going through the same thing.