Like most marriages we had Sue chores and Lane chores. I did the cooking, grocery shopping and managed our social calendar. Lane was responsible for maintenance of the house, the cars and the office. He also cleaned up after meals loading the dishwasher with great precision. We overlapped on laundry duty, yard work and unloading the dishwasher. I don't know if our unspoken arrangement was a 50/50 proposition but it worked for us.
When he died I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of doing my chores and his. But light bulbs burn out, snow needs to be shoveled and keeping the computer updated is a must. After a few mishaps I realized that many of his chores were within my realm of competence as long as I had a ladder, a screw driver and enough courage to give it a try. My first triumph was assembling a floor to ceiling shower caddy. I discovered that replacing furnace filters, pumping air into bike tires and painting trim wasn't quite as challenging as anticipated.
After I got busy with the power sander one day I came to the realization that I can do a lot of Lane's chores. I just don't want to. I don't want to put windshield wiper fluid in the car. I don't want to spackle. And I definitely don't want to load the dishwasher.
You see my resistance had nothing to do with ability and everything to do with sharing. I liked sharing these mundane tasks with Lane. It kept us close. It made us a family.
How do you deal with having to do it all?