For the past week or so I have been wondering as a widow what else do I have to talk to you all about. After all its been almost 9 years since Lane died. I have been riding this roll coaster for so long I keep thinking when do I get off.
This Sunday morning I can to the realization that what I think the key widow emotions are - stress, loneliness, guilt - don't really go away they just hide from you time to time. And, when you least expect it they pop up and take over.
I have been dealing with some overwhelming stress for the past few weeks. Have a sciatic nerve that is killing me, took on too much work and trying to help out a friend that I'm not sure understands she needs help. The result of this stress is that at times I feel paralyzed and other times I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
If Lane were here he would be my source of calm and voice of reason. I don't think the feeling that he could help me will ever go away. It is disheartening to think that everyday of my life I am on my own to manage stress in any shape or form. This is not to say that I don't have a great support system that I can turn to. But it's not my husband. His voice, smile, opinion and proposed solution gave me direction and comfort. It is very hard to conjur that up on your own. And believe me I try.
So my question to all of you today is how do you manage your stress without someone to share it with?