Again I want to thank everyone for their prayers, kind words and understanding. I am feeling pretty good and really am trying hard to get back my strength and move forward.
There is no doubt in my mind that going through a health crisis or any type of crisis without our husbands is a terrific challenge. It is hard to be 100% honest with other people. I don't want to complain and send out a feel sorry for me vibe but on the other hand, it's not easy to pretend everything is good when it's not.
So the issue today if how much do we reveal to other about we are feeling and doing. With Lane I didn't have to hold anything back. We were a good team and whatever the issue we were able to find a way to deal with it. I knew he would never bale on me so I could let it all out and now that's really hard to do. But without him, I wonder how much should I or can I share with others.
When people ask about the cancer I tend to downplay it. "Doing fine. Getting stronger everyday. Doctor is very positive about the ways things are going." Are my usual responses to how are you doing. Even on the days I feel like garbage I hesitate to share too much with others. Why? Do I think these family members and friends will stop keeping in touch if I complain? Am I trying to protect the kids from any bad news? Or, am just trying to be a martyr (which by the way I deplore in other people)?
Lane would say and I would usually agree that honesty is the best policy but in this case I'm not sure why it is so hard for me to practice that tried and true philosophy. All of us miss the support we got from our husbands. Not that anyone could ever replace that support, how do you deal with sharing your problems or issues with others?