Most widows rely on memories to keep their lost love alive. I sure do. I remember the early days of getting to know each other. How excited I felt when the door bell rang and it was Lane. I can still feel the warmth of having his arm around me. And, that cute smile got me every time.
Over the years if I closed my eyes, thought really hard I could actually hear his voice. His laugh. His tone when he was happy and the concern in his voice when there was a problem. It was so real I would think if I opened my eyes Lane would be there. Then again if I kept my eyes closed and my mind focused on his voice it felt soothing and comforting. Just like it used to feel.
But I must confess that in the last year or so some of my memories are beginning to fade. Specific events seem a little fuzzy and the details I hung on to are not quite as crystal clear as they used to be.
It's been 10 years and I'm 67 so maybe it's normal to begin to forget what I haven't been able to have for so long. His touch, his kiss, a hug and the most intimate moments we had are more happy memories than ones I can rely on for comfort. I guess it's normal. Maybe that's where the stupid adages like "Time heals all wounds" or "This too shall pass" come from.
So maybe the sound of his voice or his blue eyes or that cute smile aren't quite as clear as they used to be. I still have 30 years of pictures, letters and cards to help me keep Lane's memory alive.
Have you forgotten anything about your husband or your life together? Do you worry about it?