Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Getting used to it

Right after Lane died I remember people telling me "It will take some time but you'll get used to it."  I wasn't sure what "getting used to it" actually meant or if it was even possible. All I knew was that Lane was gone. I had to take charge of my life and get used to being on own.

At first I thought getting used to a new life, a widow's life, wouldn't be terribly difficult. I was lucky. I didn't have to move or look for a job. I didn't think I had a lot to get used to.

Then the "get used to it" started to catch up with me. The first invitation with just my name on it. Taking a vacation with a girlfriend rather than my husband.  Every time I was asked my marital status and I had to reply:  widow. Then there is sleeping alone, going to a movie, waiting for test reports, etc.

After 10 years of being a widow in many ways I have gotten used to taking this ride alone. You do get used to doing "his chores," making decisions and in general,  handling life on your own.

It's the little, personal things that I know I will never get use to. Why would I want to?  Having to empty the dishwasher, no one to share a goodnight kiss or take my arm when crossing the street still remind me daily that I still miss Lane and will never get used to the loneliness I feel all the time.

What have you never been able to get used to?