Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The weekends

"What are you doing this weekend?" "Do you have any plans for the weekend?" "Did you have a good weekend?"

I have been asked these questions at least 417 times over the past 8 years.  It seems that every Thursday or Friday someone inquires about "my weekend plans" and then on Monday is the perfunctory question into how much I enjoyed the weekend.  I realize that people are being polite and for the most part could care less about "my plans" or my weekend.  But even after 8 years of being alone it still gets to me.

To be honest, my weekends with Lane weren't filled with fabulous activities or outings.  We didn't have a boatload of couple friends or belong to any clubs or anything.  When the kids were young it was mostly family time on the weekends.  After they were grown and we had the weekends to ourselves, we usually decided at the last minute what we going to do.

Lane liked puttering around in the basement or painting or just having alone time.  I caught up on household stuff, did a little shopping and also enjoyed my alone time.

But we would always meet up around 6:00 to enjoy a glass of wine together, cook dinner or go out for dinner,  Then watch TV or a movie or something.  Whatever the plan was we were together and that was all that mattered.

So of course weekends now are lonely and usually not filled with any plans at all.  Sure sometimes, I have dinner with a friend or the kids are here but nothing replaces weekends with Lane.

When people ask about my weekend I usually give them the "not much" response and let it go at that. It is a polite answer to the polite question.  I assume no one wants to hear the truth that my weekend was spent alone.  It sounds so pathetic.

After 8 years I have gotten used to weekends on my own.  I still hate them but I am used to them. Now I  make sure I get out of the house on Saturday and Sunday for a few hours.  I try to do something physical (bike ride, Pilates lesson or just walk) and meet up with someone for a meal or to go to the Farmer's Market or something.  More often than not I am alone so I  go shopping or to an afternoon movie.  I do all this to make time pass on the weekends and to keep me from focusing on the 1562 weekends I spent with Lane.

What do you do on the weekends?