Friday, May 20, 2016

Have you changed?

I had lunch with an old college friend last week.  She lives in another city so we only get together a couple times a year.  But like a real friend we are always able to talk like we saw each other yesterday instead of six months ago.

At lunch we talked about our college days, bragged about our kids and exchanged pictures of the grandchildren.  It was fun and it felt good to be with an old friend you can share everything with.  We were getting ready to leave and she said to me "Sue, you have changed so much since Lane died."

At first I didn't know whether to take this comment as a compliment or a criticism.  But I realize it was just an observation and more accurate than not.

My friend said I have mellowed since Lane died.  According to Terry, I'm much more of a "go along girl" than I used to be.  I don't debate issues just for the fun of it or challenge controversial opinions.  Terry thinks that Lane's death impacted my life so much that I have learned to shut out social interactions that take time and effort to deal with.

Terry thinks that over the last 10 years I have transformed from an extrovert to an introvert.  She attributes her opinion to how often I turn down social outings with others and prefer to retreat to my room to read or watch television alone.

Terry had many opinions about my changing personality and life after Lane.  Less affectionate, quieter, more independent, less likely to ask for help or a second opinion and a need to be in charge of every aspect of my life.  Less judgemental of others, a certified "worry wort" and determined more than ever to be self reliant now and until the day I die.

While I agree with Terry evaluation to some extent.  I don't know if my personality changes are due to 10 years of being a widow or just getting older or battling cancer. She is but I'm not sure. 

By the way did I mention that my friend Terry is a psychiatrist?

How has your personality changed since your husband died?