Got up early this Monday morning and it is a rainy gloomy November day. The kind of day that emphasizes loneliness. I fell back to sleep and for a fleeting moment I thought I felt Lane lying next to me.
Now I am having a cup of coffee planning my day. I know I have to do a bunch of stuff but on this rainy Monday it seems hard to get motivated. When Lane was here we did a good job at motivating each other. Whether it was calling his sister or going to the gym, I knew when and how to push him and when to back down. He did the same for me. On this rainy Monday I really could use the motivation that only Lane could provide.
I don't know why a wet, gloomy Monday brings on feelings of despair. It seems to conjure up old memories, regrets and thoughts of what ifs. On some rainy Mondays I even drag out the old pictures, the cards and letters and other memorabilia we collected over 30+ years. While all this stuff makes me feel sad, it also reminds me of how lucky I was and what a great marriage I had.
I am happy to report that the forecast for Tuesday calls for sunny skies. Won't be able to use the weather as an excuse. So maybe it's not such a bad idea to blow off this rainy Monday. Don't even try to be upbeat or productive. I think I'll just spend the day watching it rain and thinking about Lane and days gone by.
Am I wallowing in pity or am I just dealing with the rainy Monday blues? I don't know. Do you?