I went to a baby shower on Saturday. The mommy-to-be was so full of excitement about the baby and what the future holds for her family. It was fun to listen to her friends (late 20's and early 30's) talk about their renovation plans, upcoming vacations and how their husbands and boyfriends are settling into their careers and family life.
When I got home that afternoon I began to think about my past and my future. I thought about when Lane and I first began dating and what fun we had trying new restaurants or experimenting with a new wine or recipe. And, how great it was to talk about our future and dream about places to see and the things we would do.
To be honest I don't think about my future any more. I take it day by day and try not to think too far ahead. It's a lonely future without my husband. No exotic ports to see for me. No new adventures being planned. Just living day to day and doing the best I can. I learned quickly that dating or having a boyfriend wasn't going to work for me. It does for many widows and I think that is great. But it wasn't for me. So I learned to cope with being alone and not looking too far into the future.
I don't plan for the future I just let it happen. Everyday is just another day to take care of what has to be done. I still have to push myself to be social and to get out of my own way. Most days it works well and I have a good day. Others days aren't so great but I live through them nonetheless. Maybe that's what my future holds. Just living it one day a a time. No planning. No dreaming. Just living each day as it comes.
It's not as bad as it sounds. What do you see in your future?